Possibilities vs Resolutions

​By Marilyn Erickson, APRN

Instead of making resolutions for this new year, why not make a commitment to feed your own inner self, open into possibility, open your branches wide to the magic around you and within you. Step out of making yourself small, wrong, or comparing yourself with everyone else. Does that sound difficult?
 
One way to sort of take this apart and apply it to your own personality is to look at what personality might fit you the best? Are you a controller? Are you a pleaser? Are you an isolator? Are you a distractor? When looking at possibilities, some descriptions of these characteristics that may be helpful are as follows:
 

• The controller tends toward perfectionism; in order to succeed they need their actions to work well.
• The pleaser looks outside themselves; it is difficult for them to say what they want, who they are.
• The distractor struggles with a sense of connection, both to other people and to their environment. Having a sense of completion is elusive. They may have difficulty showing up for relationships.
• The isolator tends to separate themselves from others. They have difficulty being seen. 

Think about where you tend to lean. Then consider what is possible, what can foster growth. Consider the actions you take. Are they from fear or do they come from your center?
 
While these primary characteristics guide our actions, we still can discover what we have covered up and what has been hidden. We can uncover our gifts. 

• For the controller, the gift is to lead. The ability to know what comes next and then to lead from the heart.
• For the distractor the gift is to create, to be an artist, to think outside the box. The distractor can focus on a sense of play, exploration.
• For the isolator the gift is vision, an expansive vision of what is possible and how to create it. There is a difference in withdrawing out of fear and choosing time alone because you know you need it. You are able to be intuitive in stillness, not isolation.
• For the pleaser the gift is to nourish, to be of service to self and others. It is a love of humanity that includes yourself. 

How you perceive yourself, whether it be one of these four characteristics or a combination or something else, you can create, lead, nourish, and have a vision for what is possible. While your perception of yourself may guide your actions, you can discover what is hidden, uncover your gifts. 
 
If you get caught up in “what if” way of thinking, practice thinking of the what if as a positive outcome. Thinking of a positive outcome helps overcome the fear. What if everything goes right and things unfold into possibilities. What if the challenges of your life help you to become more steady, more committed?
 
For the isolating or distracting person, does this help to be more supportive of others so that the matrix of your relationships can shift in a positive way. What if you have so much to give and also to receive? 
 
Sometimes these what ifs are a means of criticizing yourself, judging. Do you see these old ways of looking at things in a negative light as keeping yourself safe? For example, you lock your keys in your car, you say to yourself, “Why did I do something so stupid?” Or can you say to yourself, “Oops, I locked the keys in the car. What am I going to do?”
 
Talk to yourself in a soothing way, not in a judging way. Help build your own strength and courage through self-soothing. Use kind words to reflect yourself. Judging leads to loss of energy. You are responsible for how you talk to yourself. Learn to recognize the old voices that bring you down. 
 
Practice discerning rather than judging. Say to yourself, “I don’t agree with my own actions. What do I need to do differently?” See yourself with compassion, through loving eyes. 

All of these changes in ways of seeing ourselves take practice. Practice self-soothing, enriching, learning and trust in your intuition. Bring light to your life through listening, gathering the tools that will help you, staying steady, and nourishing yourself. Come into stillness, settle and listen. Open to possibility.

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