 Daniel G. Weidner, MS, LMHP
“It is our fear at experiencing ourselves directly that causes suffering” Mark Epstein, M.D. (To read Part I of this essay, please click here.) It is not uncommon to hear someone describe their dissonance as boredom or restlessness. The modern world provides a plethora of distractions that we routinely and often subconsciously employ to avoid this internal form of dissonance. We find “social media” as a handy escape from boredom and restlessness. This escape into social media can become psychologically addictive. We also use television, movies, food, hobbies, exercise, religion, sex, and other external activities as ways to avoid the sense of dissonance that can creep in to our lives. This is often very subtle, and can be almost entirely subconscious. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with any of the above listed sources of distraction. It is the use of these distractions in an effort to avoid the dissonance that can be harmful to our well-being. Thus the quote “It is our fear at experiencing ourselves directly that causes suffering”. Depending upon the circumstances of the individual, one may go to great lengths to avoid experiencing oneself directly. Mark Epstein says that “We are all engaged in a futile struggle to maintain ourselves in our own image”. Dukkha is sometimes described as “pervasive unsatisfactoriness”. This unsatisfactoriness can manifest in psychological stress, mental anguish, and even physical decline. Both Western Psychology and Buddhist Psychology tell us that avoidance is not a healthful response to stress or discomfort. This is where the practices of Mindfulness and Meditation can be sources of legitimate and sustainable forms of relief for our cognitive dissonance. Buddhist Psychology tells us that it is only when we are able to directly face and accept the sources of our discomfort that we will realize some relief. This is the opposite of distractedness. And this can be a frightening proposition. What we find when we engage in the practice of mindfulness is that the fear of knowing ourselves is unfounded. We learn that directly facing and accepting the vicissitudes of life is freeing and a relief. It is often referred to as “letting go”. Mindfulness means being present to whatever is happening here and now. When we want things to be different than they are here and now – that is suffering. Through mindfulness practices we begin to notice how the mind works and awaken to it. We begin to understand that thoughts are a condition that arises and passes. We come to the realization that we are not our thoughts, and that our fears and our dissonance are unnecessary. We learn to live within ourselves, accept ourselves for who and what we are and realize greater happiness and contentment with our lives – as they are.
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