 Daniel G. Weidner, MA, LMHP
January…the start of a new calendar year. This is when some of us take stock of our lives, goals, and ambitions, and give consideration to what we want in this new year. Some persons will set a “New Year’s Resolution” for themselves. However, sometimes people set themselves up for failure (and perhaps even some guilt) when they are not able to fulfill their resolution. They can put undue pressure upon themselves that can actually become stressful and counterproductive. Reflection and the setting of aspirations are valuable and usually positive things to do. I suggest that instead of a resolution, a more productive path may be to set some small, specific, progressive, and attainable intentions. Mindfulness is called a “practice”. Mindfulness, from a cognitive-behavioral perspective, is made up of progressive skills and skill sets. First, we identify and learn the Mindfulness based skills that will be of benefit to us in our lives. Then we practice, practice, and practice them in our daily lives. Through the practice of Mindfulness, we set small and specific intentions (instead of promises) and we work at developing “habit strength” with the skills associated with fulfilling these intentions. It is like learning to play a musical instrument or developing athletic skills. We begin with some introductory skills and progress, in a cumulative manner, into more sophisticated skills. We learn that it is best to keep things simple in the beginning so that we can realize success, therefore reinforcing our efforts. Habit strength is a term that means that we have learned the skill(s) well enough that, when we get into a situation where we need it, it is readily and immediately available for us. Our focus is on habits (skills), not outcomes. We build both flexibility and some self-kindness into the process of learning and practicing Mindfulness. Through the practice of Mindfulness, we learn to focus on our thoughts, our body, and our interactions with the world and the people around us. As we progress in the practice of Mindfulness, we begin to recognize our afflictions and suffering, as well as realization of an improved awareness of the positive aspects of our life. We discover our “unskillful means” and learn to replace them with skillful means. Judgement, shame, and guilt are replaced with learning and growth. The result of this practice is an increase in peace, stability, and freedom in our lives; and in this there is nothing more precious.
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