Note from Louisa
And the Wheel of the Year turns once again. We find ourselves once more leaving behind the year that was and stepping into the year that will be. Will it be full of challenge as the last few years have been? Yes. Will there be plentiful moments of laughter, grace, hope, and joy? Of course. It is in some ways ever the same. The opportunities to learn and grow, to stretch into our better selves are ever present. We may mistake them as injuries or wounding, as unfair treatment by others, as systems that have failed us. Or we can welcome them as teachers, as guideposts carefully placed in our path to invite us into deeper knowing and compassion of ourselves, one another, and the world that we share. 2023 will be hard. 2023 will be glorious. 2023 will be full of opportunity. If only we see it as such. Blessings on your journey, Louisa Note from Louisa
This is my favorite post of the year to write. It’s the time of the year that I get to give a shout out to all the amazing people that make CML, well… CML. We are often so busy bustling about our lives that the opportunity to stop and recognize the efforts of others and how they have touched and bettered our lives can easily slip by. November, with all its focus on gratitude, is a welcomed reminder of how much work goes on behind the scenes to facilitate our journey. If you read this post last year, I invite you to take a moment to read this new iteration. Nearly all the names are the same, which makes me grateful for a stable and robust community of dedicated providers and educators. There has been so much change in the world as of late and knowing that our team remains committed is such a gift! As I said last year, if you have been touched in any way by the healing work at CML, these are the people who work tirelessly behind the scenes to ensure that you are well tended to on your path. The therapeutic healing at CML would not be possible if not for the efforts of our gifted clinical staff. Pamela Mueggenberg, Kara Cavel, and Jenna Lopez create loving spaces for difficult work and provide compassionate support for the weary human traveler. (And if you haven’t had a chance to check out Jenna’s podcast, you can find the link below). We also welcomed two new clinicians since last year’s post, Marilyn Erickson, who has been providing medication management and clinical support for the past year, and Hillary Rubesin, our new Intermodal therapist, whom we are looking forward to working and playing with in the coming year. I particularly want to recognize the generous community members who have stepped up to help us grow our Mindfulness programming. A few dedicated souls have been helping to support our amazing Mindfulness Instructor, Laura Crosby, to whom I owe so much gratitude and respect. Thank you to Aaron Weiner, Ashima Mehta, Katie Hupp, Sue Nardie, Tina Ray, and the wonderful Dan Weidner. All of these folks dedicate their time and efforts to create a safe space to explore and deepen practice. If you have not participated in one of Laura’s programs, joined her as she facilitated a sit, a retreat, or the mindfulness study group, then you have missed compassion and generosity of spirit in action. We are blessed by the numerous gifts each of these folks share with our community. And there are those whose work is more behind the scenes but whose contributions allow our community to thrive and grow. Christina Murphy, works as our marketing and social media Goddess, bringing you this newsletter every month and keeping the CML community connected and informed. Thank you to Alma and Carmen, who keep our space so beautifully for us, and to Blake who makes sure that we don’t trip and break something of import on the ice. At the center of the CML mission is, of course, you, the curious and courageous human traveler, seeking to know yourself better and find your way to sharing your own gifts in the world. We would not be here if not for you and it is to you that I express my deepest gratitude. Your support of our efforts, especially during the pandemic, helped to keep our doors open and reminded us that we can travel so much farther together than on our own. I hope that in the coming year, you will continue to find yourself on our doorstep, in our virtual spaces, on our cushions, and in the presence of your own magnificent, vibrant gifts. Your ongoing willingness to share so meaningfully of yourselves allows each of our journeys to be enriched. In this season of gratitude, a heartfelt ‘Thank You” for making our community a space of inclusivity, healing, and peace. Gratitude and Blessings on your journey, Louisa Note from Louisa
October is my favorite month. I love the shifting light and the crisper air. The changing color of the leaves reminds me of the natural cycle of life and how it flaunts its beauty at every stage and opportunity. There is a stillness that begins to gather as we spend more time moving toward generative darkness. If we are mindful, we can slow down and embrace the teachings of the shadows, without which light would have no meaning. On the 31st, we will celebrate Samhain, Gaelic for “summer’s end”, the Celtic festival marking the end of harvest and the descent toward the dark half of the year. It marks the mid-point in the year between the autumnal equinox and the winter solstice, the point at which we begin to travel back toward the light. As an agrarian people, the ancient Celts regarded the end of the harvest season as the end of the year and, for modern day Pagans, Samhain is the equivalent of New Year’s Eve. You may be more familiar with Samhain as it is commonly celebrated, as Halloween, having drifted from its pagan roots. Traditionally, Samhain is a time of remembrance of our ancestors and all those who have come before. It resembles the festival of Dia de Muertos more than its modern-day parade of costumed children engaging in trickery and collecting candy. Samhain honors the cycle of death and rebirth. It is one of the times of the year when “the veil is thin between the worlds”, allowing us greater insight and intuitive knowing. We remember those we have loved and those we have lost. We make altars with offerings to honor those who have come before us, reminding us of our connection with the cycles of life and death and the thread that binds one generation to the next. While the true meaning of Samhain has been transformed over the years to entice the pagan populace to convert to Christianity, we can still see its influence in the feast of All Hallows’ Eve, when Christian martyrs and saints are remembered. This year, once the candy has run out and the porch light has been turned off, take a moment to pause and remember your own linage. What gifts have been passed on to you from those who have come before? What traditions has your family passed on for generations? What family stories will you share with your children to help them connect with their ancestors and their history? Can you feel their loving guidance on this night? As long as we remember, they are with us still. Blessings on your journey, Louisa Notes from Louisa
Last week, for the second time this year, night and day were in perfect balance. The Autumnal Equinox, and its twin, the Vernal Equinox in March, are the two days of the year when the Earth’s axis is tilted in such a way to equally balance the light and the dark, giving us twelve hours of each. The days will now become progressively shorter as we travel toward the Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year. Paradoxically, the day that signals the beginning of the winter season, December 21st, also begins the Earth’s journey back toward the light, with days becoming progressively longer again. In the months that follow the delicate pause of the Equinox, as we in the Northern Hemisphere descend into the darkening of the world, our sisters and brothers on the other side of the globe are drifting from their point of balance into the emergent spring. Somehow, I have always found it comforting to think of this global symmetry, knowing that, while half of the world is awakening from hibernation and watching tender buds push their way through the earth toward the sun, the other half of the planet is preparing for the long nap of winter. There is balance here too. The more the world becomes a smaller neighborhood, helped by the increase in international interactions borne of technology and the understanding of our interdependence, the less strange it seems for my neighbors in the Southern Hemisphere to be in the opposite environment from my own. I am now more accustomed now to see colleagues from South Korea attending meetings in the middle of their night due to time zone differences and I have gotten up at 3 am myself for the opportunity to collaborate with colleagues across the world. Sometimes, in the heat of self-righteousness or rigid beliefs, we may forget that we share this planet with seven and a half billion other people. We may overlook how our actions here might affect someone we will never meet, thousands of miles away. We can all look up to see the beautiful light of the same moon, but we can’t do it at the same time. Perhaps it is time to widen our lens and our appreciation for the totality of life on this beautiful planet. These seasonal reminders always offer fresh teachings on the nature of our world and how important it is to play well with others. We have, after all, only one precious sandbox. Blessings on your journey, Louisa Note from Louisa
More lessons from the sea… this one is about longing. (You can read my first post about my trip to the ocean here.) Now that we are home, I truly miss those early morning sits on the beach. I felt that I was present during my time there, trying to soak up as much as I could of the feel of the sand shifting beneath me, the sun in my face, the salty wind in my hair and, of course, the undeniable drum of the ocean, greeting me, then retreating, only to begin again. Still, I could not absorb enough of it to sustain those sensations beyond my experience of them. Knowing that the future of the pandemic is uncertain (and when is the future anything but uncertain?), I wanted to shore myself up for the possibility of not being able to return for some time again. I wanted to hold on to the experience. To bottle it and bring it home with me. Of course, I am being schooled in the clever ways of attachment. If I am busy trying to reclaim my experience of the past, I am missing the experience of the present. In trying to recreate the sense of reverence and awe I had, I miss the reverence and awe that is occurring at this very moment right in front of me. I often wonder if the people who live in spaces of great beauty become inured to them. After all, they see that vista every day and I wonder if it carries the same level of inspiration for them as it does me who only can visit seldomly. And would the same not apply to me? What in my own environs have I turned a blind eye to, or dismissed as ordinary, when the beauty that I long for elsewhere, is right in front of me? How easy it is to become trapped in longing and expectation! Even as I sat on the beach and counted the number of days left before we left, I was not present to the very thing I claimed to not want to leave. We humans are strange creatures indeed. How fortunate that we have the capacity to develop the skills of presence, imperfect though they are. I invite you to look up now from your computer, your phone, your tablet and scan the space you are in. What beauty do you see that you have walked blindly by time and again, taken for granted, or failed to ever see truly? Would someone for whom this experience is foreign be so cavalier, or would they invite you to look with new eyes for the majesty that lies all around us? Blessings on your journey, Louisa Note from Louisa
The ocean is my thing. It’s the place where I feel most connected, most at peace. For me, it is a place of reverence, humility, majesty, and spirituality. It is an inconvenient thing to be sure, living in a landlocked part of the country as I so. A few years ago, my husband, an avid diver, and I made a pledge to make our way back to the ocean regularly, to feel gratitude for the gifts and beauty of the Earth and refuel from its power before returning to the day to day demands of our lives. Then the pandemic hit. So, this year, during our family vacation, the ocean and I have been getting reacquainted. I’ve been rediscovering her spiritual gifts each morning as I greet the sun in meditation on the beach. Today, she taught me another wonderful lesson about being human at this juncture in history. I got up early so that she and I might share some time alone before the bustle of vacationers set in. As I settled into my practice, using the sounds of the waves landing on the shore as an anchor, smelling the salty air and the decaying seaweed washed up on the beach, life happened around me. A small but very loud truck drove by several times, removing the unwanted deposits of seaweed, raking the beach in preparation for the day’s activities. A large, beautiful family took advantage of the early morning light to have professional pictures taken by the ocean. Several young children in their group had other ideas about time spent on the beach, despite their immaculately pressed dress clothes. A panicked father lightly touched my arm to ask if I had seen his missing little boy, an act that any desperate parent will understand. (I later witnessed them walking hand in hand along the beach, a stern but loving tone in the father’s voice). And, beneath it all, the regular, majestic, slurred drum beat of the ocean, waxing and waning on the shore. Predictable, steady, powerful. I opened my eyes and watched each wave leave the safety of the greater mass and be thrust onto the sand, lingering briefly before returning to the whole. All these events seemed orchestrated to remind me of the nature of life, particularly during these trying times. The joys and sorrows, the loud and distracting work of life will always continue around us. We can choose to focus on those ups and downs, coming fast and furious, one after another. Or we can listen to the steady, comforting beat of the waves as they undulate with ancient rhythms, driven by forces much larger than ourselves. We can understand ourselves as the wave, feeling flung onto the beach, alone and unprotected. Or we can remember that every wave has its moment, when it appears to be separating from itself, sometimes humbly, sometimes with great force and bluster, before being reclaimed by the vast wholeness of ocean. Do I see myself and my personal struggles as a momentary wave? Are my struggles but a crest in the greater experience of humanity? For me, how I chose to answer these questions may mean the difference between acceptance and resistance, as the events of life at this time threaten to overwhelm and drown me. For you, it may not be the ocean. Your thing may be the mist on the mountains after the rain, the morning dew in your garden, or standing amid a grove of Sequoias. You may find peace and connection in the laughter of your child, in the aching muscles of good long day of work, or in an act of service to another. Wherever you find it, be sure to stop and listen deeply. You have been drawn here for a reason. Let other concerns fall aside and be present, even when it is hard, even when you are tired, even when you don’t want to. Especially right now when it is easy to despair. There is something beneath the chaos, noise, and distractions at the surface. Something within us that is regular, reliable, and powerful. There is always a beckoning, an invitation to learn, we need only open and listen. Blessings on your journey, Louisa Note from Louisa
“Right now, it’s about showing up and not shutting down”. These words of wisdom were shared with me by a dear friend over a glass of wine and accompanied by an ongoing lament about the lack of stability in the world. What happens when things we have come to count on, to consider unassailable, are suddenly taken away? Looking at the world right now, we may feel the weight of it all: the loss of relative economic stability, autonomy over our own bodies, representative democracy, a common interest in public health. The lack of stability is being felt, in some form or other, by nearly all of us right now. These shifts cannot help but engender anxiety, anger, a sense of unfairness, and, at least for me, a palpable experience of helplessness. I want to shut down. I want to turn away and pretend that values and rights that are dear to me are not under attack. So how do we keep showing up in spaces where our deepest and most closely held values are being so gleefully dismantled? When I first moved to Omaha from Chicago, I remember feeling so displaced and disoriented by the decidedly more conservative culture in Nebraska. My first response was to plan my exodus and return to a life that was familiar and shared with like-minded people. I’ll never forget when my good friend, Paula, leaned over and whispered to me “but if you move, who will change things?” If we shut down, who will keep fighting? This is a more difficult route to be sure, but this is what having convictions means. We fight for them. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. I’m glad that I’ve stayed. My growth would not have been served by surrounding myself with those who view the world just as I do. But it has been hard. Friendships have been lost, sometimes because I wasn’t listened to, and sometimes because I didn’t listen enough. So here is my plan. I’m going to keep showing up. I’m going to keep fighting for what I believe is right. I’m going to keep talking – and sometimes screaming – at injustice. I’m going to try to listen more. And the cherry on top, I’m going to try to keep my heart open and keep loving. That is the ‘what’. The ‘how’ always comes back to the practice, to sitting on that damn cushion every day, so that I can more easily identify the ways in which I am distorting information to fit my self-righteous outrage or massage my ego. The ‘how’ is to keep talking, and listening, to those with whom we disagree. The ‘how’ is to observe the tendency to vilify the opposition and to not indulge it. It is not easy work by a long shot, but it is how we can continue to show up, even in times like these, and no one is served by shutting down. Blessings on your journey, Louisa Note from Louisa
I was standing over my stove when I heard the news. Another school shooting. More senseless violence and loss of innocent life. This felt like Déjà vu all over again and I already knew, sautéing the garlic and peppers, exactly what to expect to happen next. Absolutely nothing. No new gun control measures, no money for research on gun violence, no appropriate screening tools, or waiting periods, no additional money for mental health treatment. Nothing. As a former actor, I often times wonder about the experiences that others have as they move along the paths of their lives. It is a door that I open only cautiously at times like these. I do not want to know what these parents are feeling tonight. This is not a story I ever want to play a part in telling. My heart is not sufficiently advanced to explore that kind of grief without being swallowed whole by it. But how can I turn away? Am I not complicit in the refrain that nothing will change if I can’t even listen to the news story without having my world fall apart? Is that why we turn away from what is difficult? Is that why we descend into paralysis rather than take to the streets in protest yet again? What is the proper response to the brutality and monstrosity that exists in our world? Right now, I am doing the little that I can do to not turn away – I am sharing my thoughts, my reactions, and my powerlessness with you. I hesitate as I write, knowing these words may upset or provoke you. But maybe a little upset or provocation is okay. While I try to use this space to offer insights and thoughts from my own journey in the spirit of hope and communal healing, those are not the words that want to be written right now. Instead, I find only words of outrage and impotence. I find only more grief and shock. We need to be together in this too, as hard as it is. We need to rise up together, our shoulders shaking not just with rage at the injustice, but with the urgent need do to better, the mandate to protect a stranger as we would our beloved, to prioritize and be driven by compassion, to hold one another as we cry, and to tell the horrific story again and again until there is finally either lasting change, or our voices are hoarse with the trying. Blessings on your journey, Louisa Note from Louisa
I am finding these to be very challenging times as of late, even though things seem to returning to something more recognizable, for the moment anyway. There is still so much liminality in the world, so much that is undefinable and ineffable, as we continue to navigate the pandemic, the Ukrainian war, the changing climate, the ongoing oppression of others. The world can feel like it is unraveling at times, and me along with it. These are the times when I am most vulnerable to some form of distorted storytelling. The brain is a meaning making organ, after all. It has any number of creative ways to develop narratives that help me think that I know what’s happening. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We are designed to look for and rely on some kind of model for our experience, especially when it feels threatening, or sufficiently outside of our ordinary experience of reality for us to know how to respond. Our central nervous systems do not do well with the unknown. When I find myself in these spaces of confusion, when I feel the footing beneath me shifting, I try to make it a practice to slow down and acknowledge my vulnerability to a story that shores up my ego, or reduces the complexity of the situation to something more digestible, but incomplete. Here is the invitation to humility. Holding our understanding lightly in open hands, makes room for new information, or a shift in perception or perspective, and gives us space for compassion as well - for ourselves and for others. It is okay not to know. Confusion feels uncomfortable, so we tend to breeze past it. Perhaps we might try welcoming the unknown and undefined, the generative befuddlement that always precedes understanding? There are lessons here too. Blessings on your journey, Louisa |
Archive: Notes from LouisaHere you will find a sampling of the 'Note from Louisa' that appears each month in the CML newsletter. Archives
January 2023
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