By Stephanie Nielsen, MA,
Restorative Wellness Practitioner
 
A month ago, my husband and I attempted to escape the brisk February weather and ventured to Vegas. I had never been there before, and I was excited to eat incredible food and watch breathtaking performances.
 
Our first night we attended an acrobatic burlesque-style show. Upon immediate entrance into the theater, I felt the ghosts of not-quite-good-enough past creep into my thoughts as I looked at photos adorning the wall of beautiful performers in well-positioned strips of cloth.
 
That would have normally lead me into a comparison and shame nose-dive, except... I noticed my thoughts. (Awareness, you are small and mighty.) I coat-checked my comparison cloak at the door-it's rather itchy and unflattering-and found warmth in my cozy cardigan of curiosity. After all, I did knowingly choose to go to a burlesque show, so why not embrace all that it is? Hi-five Carl Jung-no more resisting and persisting for this girl!
 
Now, it wasn't quite that simple. Life rarely is.
 
I was still a bit uneasy... pretty sure I held my husband's hand and gave it a squeeze-nothing wrong with asking for support. However, as I observed my surroundings and sat in awe of the performers, I felt a profound shift in my mind and body.
 
While I consciously told myself the limiting belief of comparison wasn't welcomed right now, I noticed the curiosity I replaced those beliefs with had effortlessly transitioned to compliments.
 
No longer was I wondering who choreographed the movements-I was part of the dance. The kaleidoscope of strength, courage, and joy before me, reflected the smile, laughter, and wonder within me. These performers were amazing and beyond my scope of talent, and yet I had never felt more at ease with my body and mind.
 
And that is what I want for you.
 
Not necessarily to replace comparison with compliments, but to find the answer within yourself. Forget the noise of the "should" and "oughts", and lean into the discomfort of your limiting beliefs-whatever they may be-and ask why those thoughts are occurring in the first place.
 
Get curious, because it is in that curiosity that you begin to set aside self-judgment (and, spoiler alert, judgment of others), understand yourself better, embrace what is, and discover tools that work for you to navigate through your limiting beliefs.

Photo Credit: Free Image Stock Photo
Photo by Anthony from Pexels https://www.pexels.com/photo/adult-art-artist-artistic-133170/

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By Daniel G. Weidner, MA

When I look at the world around us today I have reasons for concern. Many of our politicians have lost their sense of duty and honor, our government seems increasingly less responsive to the needs of regular folks, and our American society continues to become further divided and tribal. Peace seems to get further away each day, and for many of the world's citizens there is only conflict and pain. Selfishness and avarice abound. Like many of us I often wonder what can be done. It is easy to feel helpless in the face of the magnitude of these concerns. Where do we begin?
 
We in the West are just starting to understand that the practice of Mindfulness is at the core of the actions that we need to take to heal our brokenness and pain. We comprehend that this is a long-term solution - that Mindfulness is not a quick fix. It requires years of sustained training and practice.
 
When we enter this practice as adults, we find that we are engaging in a demanding discipline that requires us to learn the practice and then use that practice to deal with our own baggage. Each of us has sustained some damage along the way and each of us must face the inevitable discomfort, fear, anxiety and pain that goes along with said damage. This all assumes a willingness on the part of practitioners to follow this nonlinear path and address the many vicissitudes that we each shall find along the way.
 
But what about our children?
 
What happens if we begin to train them in Mindfulness at an early age? What if this training begins before students start their K-12 educational experience? What if we integrate these practices into our schools and homes? Will this eventually make the world a better place? I would argue that the answer is a definite yes!
 
Those of us who have an established daily practice realize that the practice itself is, in fact, healing. It infuses us with kindness, love, compassion, understanding and awareness. It helps us to learn about our own baggage and to begin the process of lightening the burden caused by these afflictions. As a result we are kinder with ourselves and we naturally treat others better.
 
Now, begin to think about our children.
 
Most of them, at an early age, do not have much baggage. Nor, at an early age, do we carry the prejudices and opinions that can get in the way of learning Mindfulness. Young children are open and receptive, and they learn at a pace that far exceeds what adults can do.
 
I think that it is time that we get focused and serious about teaching our children that life is precious and that Mindfulness can give us the tools to connect with each other, to live deeply, and to open our hearts to our lives and to each other. We understand that this will require an experiential approach to the teaching of Mindfulness.
 
This cannot be learned by just talking about it. 

It must be practiced. 

This will require that adults with an established Mindfulness practice are willing to teach this practice to others. Students, teachers, parents, and the larger community will all need to know and understand the benefits associated with engaging in Mindfulness practices.
 
We will need to communicate how this practice will benefit them and their children, and how it will benefit the society in which we live. It is my understanding, which the current research is starting to support, that Mindfulness can be a powerful force for good for both individuals and for the larger societal interface.
 
It is not a quick fix, but it is a promising and effective way to begin.
 
For more information on teaching mindfulness to children:

Wisdom House Collaborative
www.wisdomhouseomaha.com/

Mindful Schools
https://www.mindfulschools.org/

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by Nanci Nilles Psy. D.
 
Do you hold yourself to impossibly high standards? Often we set unreasonably high goals, and when we fail, we find ourselves feeling deep shame. This pattern of behavior goes hand in hand with perfectionism. Because at the heart of perfectionism is fear. Our lofty goals are often a desire to compensate for some self-perceived lack. Anything less than perfection becomes evidence of our inadequacy.
 
If you find yourself struggling with perfection, you are not alone. Thomas Curran (2017), a social psychologist who studies perfectionism, reports that perfectionism is becoming more pervasive. Curran's research indicates from 1989-2016 socially prescribed perfectionism has been on the rise. Socially prescribed perfectionism occurs when we seek to obtain approval through achieving our social group's standards. When we fail to meet to meet a standard, be it weight, financial or achievement, the underlying fear is that we are inadequate.
 
It is essential to understand the role of fear in perfectionism. Perfectionists often have the unconscious belief that, if they are not perfect, something terrible will happen. For example, if someone sees our (self-perceived) inadequacy they will not respect us. This concern is so pervasive that we may not even be conscious that it is present. We cannot address that of which we are unaware.
 
Awareness of our thought patterns starts the process of detaching from them. Labeling our thought process can also help us to identify less with these ideas. We can begin to question the unrealistic expectations that we encounter within ourselves. With time and practice, we can change from a perfectionist to someone who is content in his or her circumstances.
 
Another helpful tactic is to focus on positive elements of our performance instead of only the negative. Perfectionists are expert in discounting praise. By directing our focus to the positive, we generate positive feelings and retrain the way we process our situation. This re-wiring also primes us to tune into the positive in our experience more frequently.

When we feel inadequate, we long to feel good enough. Basing our self-esteem on our achievements and social comparison erodes our self-esteem. It is far better to adopt a compassionate, loving attitude towards ourselves. To treat ourselves as kindly as we would our dearest friend. This approach puts a sense of control back in our domain and allows us to let go of our need for perfectionism.
   
"Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016." by Thomas Curran Ph.D., University of Bath, and Andrew Hill, Ph.D., York St. John University. Psychological Bulletin. Published December 28 2017.

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By Kara Cavel, Ph.D., LICSW

As we move into 2018, I reflect upon the happenings of the past year.  For some of us, finding wellness in the past year may have been a considerable challenge.  We were faced with the reckonings of many wrongs, and continue to manage the inevitability of uncertainty and change. 
 
As a yoga practitioner and instructor, I have relied on my contemplative work rooted in the practice of breath and movement to ground myself in these moments of uncertainty and change.  In order to engage in this work, I remind myself that my breath is connected to my body and most importantly, I do, in fact, have a body!
 
I function in this world all too often from the neck up, heavily utilizing my intellect to engage in the everyday happenings of life.  Recognizing and noticing my body has invited more curiosity about how I feel in an effort to create a new way of knowing.  For me, this new way of knowing, deeply seated in the investigation of how my body feels, has led to a practice of activating my breath and body to create change.
 
Noticing that I can change the way I feel by paying closer attention to my breath and body has led me to understand the power of using both to effectively regulate emotional experiences, relying less on my tendency to intellectualize, and more on the experience and feeling of knowing. 
 
For me, the use of breath and body awareness is an invitation to cultivate my relationship with myself.  When I separate from myself, I am unaware of my breath, my body, or the dignity of the present moment.  Inviting myself back to my breath in times of arousal or discomfort has heightened my awareness of its power. 
 
The breath is a gateway to the nervous system.  Using my breath, gives me access to regulating my responses.  When I am able to do so, I feel safe in my body, and from this safety, I am able to access a more curious, creative stance toward the happenings of every day life.
 
In the upcoming year, I invite you to find opportunities to nurture this connection with yourself.  Being present in your body and being aware of your breath can occur anytime throughout the day. 
 

• Try noticing your body and breath in small doses first. 
• Be curious and investigate the sensations that arise in you during certain times of the day. 
• As you begin to notice these sensations, try making a choice to take five breaths, inhaling and exhaling through you nose. 
• Notice the breath for these brief moments. 
• Or perhaps you move your body in a new way. Notice how the body feels as you choose to take a different form. 

 
Discover.  Be interested.  Perhaps you will find that you have the capacity to change the way you feel through this noticing and investigative process.

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By  
Louisa W. Foster, Psy.D., RDT
 
​This time of year always lends itself to contemplation. The change of seasons, watching the world slow down and go dormant, the preparation for the burst of creation that will follow in the spring... each presents us with an opportunity for reflection as we prepare for our own "birthing" in the New Year.

For me, this is especially true as I have a holiday birthday, yet another natural pause during which we acknowledge the passing of time and plant the seeds of intent for the coming year.

As I reflect over the past year, with both its joyful successes and its challenging moments of learning, I am mindful of something that I read several months ago:

"You are under no obligation to be who you've always been."

As someone who prides herself on being able to color outside the lines, take risks and think outside the box, I find this simple phrase quite liberating. "I am under no obligation to be who I've always been."

From the Buddhist perspective, we recognize in these words, the transient and ephemeral nature of self-or, as we've discussed many times in our sitting groups, "there is no there, there." Yet, as human beings, we are hard wired to look for some sense of constancy of self to help define us, to make an uncertain world seem more predictable and safe, by asserting "This is who I am."

That fixed sense of self, understood more psychologically, can be seen as schemas, or patterns of responses, formed through experience and learning, through direct and indirect interactions with one another and the world. But, sometimes, perhaps even often, our understanding of self, as mediated through our interpretation of the world, is just plain wrong.

Some of the beliefs we hold about ourselves are based on faulty learning and negative messages from others, or painful experiences that we try to protect ourselves from in the future. In abiding by these fixed, and often damaging beliefs, (frequently even when there is convincing evidence to the contrary), we hinder our ability to experience the fullness of who we truly are. Instead, we become trapped in the twisted mirror of who we think we are.

What if, as we look ahead to 2018, we entertain the notion that we, like all things, are in a constant state of creation, evolution and discovery? What if the limits that we have placed on our thinking, our behavior, and our capacity to be fully human, are shackles to which we already hold the key?

Pema Chodron often extolls the virtues of doing the non-habitual-a bit of a neurological reset, if you will. Perhaps, during this time of reflection and contemplation, we might consider our own reset. Maybe we can express confidence in the knowledge that we are so much more than we confine ourselves to being.

Just because I have never been able to maintain a consistent meditation practice in the past, or get up early for a morning run, suggests nothing about who I am now, or what I am capable of today. My history of trauma, failed relationships, or addiction does not need to inform my future. My tomorrow does not need to be held hostage by the mistakes, misjudgments, or decisions of the past. I am under no obligation to continue to be that person.

We are capable of so many great and beautiful things. We are not required to maintain some past self who failed at living a healthy lifestyle, dismissed or mistreated others, or watered the seeds of jealousy and greed-even if we have done so frequently in the past.

If we are dissatisfied with our view of ourselves and how we have lived our lives up to this point, we are under no obligation to continue to engage in those same limiting beliefs and behaviors. At any moment, we may pause and determine whom we choose to be from this moment forward and, in that sacred pause, become the best of what we have to offer the world.

By Nanci Nilles, Psy.D.

November brings with it shorter days and less light. Many people experience some sort of reaction to this shift. The most severe is Seasonal Depressive Disorder, otherwise known as SAD.

Individuals diagnosed with SAD experience a full-scale depressive episode when the season changes. A larger group of the population experiences a milder version of SAD. Symptoms may include an increased need for sleep, sad feelings, lower energy, social withdrawal, and intense cravings for sweet or starchy food. These symptoms are also known as "the winter blues". For people experiencing the winter blues, it is helpful to create a plan of self care to lessen it's impact.

First on the list of self-care is increasing daily amounts of light. The decrease in light during winter is thought to be at the heart of the winter blues. Some theorize it impacts our hormones and causes a decreased production of serotonin in our brains. Lower levels of serotonin may lead to feelings of melancholy.

Other sources suggest the increased darkness disrupts our internal clock. This disruption leaves us vulnerable to sad feelings and low energy. To combat the winter blues, it helps to light up our homes, especially in the morning and evening. Throw open blinds and curtains to optimize incoming light. Taking a walk outside or a car ride on a sunny day can also improve mood and energy level.

Embracing community is helpful as well. Cold weather discourages going out and socializing. However, consistent social contact can help dispel winter gloom. Therefore, it is important to schedule regular social time with friends and family. Regular social contact can include setting up time to speak with friends by phone, or having a standing coffee date. Sometimes connection can be as simple as greeting others with a smile or kind word as we encounter them in our daily routine.

Practicing good nutrition and regular exercise is next on the list. Winter can make sedentary activities more appealing. Couple this with sweet cravings and it is easy to understand how easily pounds accumulate during the colder months.

To cope with sweet cravings it is a good idea to make and stick to a daily food plan. This can minimize the chance of acting on the impulse to eat a sugary treat. Finding a friend to engage in regular physical activity increases the likelihood of adhering to a regular exercise program. Good nutrition and regular physical activity greatly improves our ability to regulate emotions.

Another helpful technique is to monitor our thought patterns and intervene when we become aware of negative ones. Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches us that some thought patterns influence our perceptions and can actually amplify negative feelings.

An example of such a pattern is "all or nothing thinking." Relating to winter as if the whole season is miserable can only lead to unhappiness. Better to take a balanced perspective and to note its positive aspects for a healthier outlook.

Last, but not least, we can use a meditation practice to support our self care. The cold and darkness of winter encourages slowing down and quiet endeavors-good conditions for practicing mediation. People who meditate regularly report feeling grounded and better able to manage their moods and impulses. Since research shows regular meditation practice helps reduce anxiety and depression, it is likely to ease the winter blues as well.

If you are concerned with how the change in season is impacting your mood and ability to function at home or work, it's important to seek evaluation by a physician or mental health professional. Only a trained professional can diagnose SAD. Its treatment is often a combination of light therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy, and often includes the addition of medication, such as an anti-depressant. A trained professional can help you find the best treatment plan for your needs.
 
Reference
Norman E. Rosenthal 2005 "Winter Blues: Everything You need to Know to Beat Seasonal Affective Disorder", USA, The Guilford Press.

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