By Kara Cavel, PhD, LCSW
 
As a clinician, I am familiar with the term 'vicarious trauma', or the impact clinicians experience working with individuals or groups of people who have experienced trauma. Recently, I read about vicarious resilience, the opposing force to vicarious trauma, and considered how this term might apply to me, to us right now. 
 
Vicarious resilience is the “process of observing and even being a part of a survivor’s healing process and their personal transformation from surviving to thriving” (Tenty as cited in Morgaine & Capous-Desyllas, 2014, p. 231). 
 
Is it possible to consider how we might serve as empathic listeners to those who share their stories of survival, especially among communities, families, and individuals who have experienced the death and devastating harm imposed by the worst public health and economic crisis experienced in generations? 
 
How does the act of listening to understand rather than listening to respond create the conditions that can move us from surviving to thriving? 
 
How does holding the truth of others teach us to hold our own truths? 
 
If you have the capacity to bear witness to stories of survival, could this help to facilitate conditions for healing for others? 
 
Conversely, if you can name and locate someone who can respond to your truth with understanding and empathy, is it possible to feel a shift toward healing?
 
Together, can we work toward finding a place to foster the conditions needed to pass along the truths of our experiences?
 
Together, let’s foster the experience of vicarious resilience.  
  
References
 
Morgaine, K. & Capous-Desyllas, M. (2014). Anti-Oppressive social work practice: Putting theory into action. Cognella Academic Publishing.

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By Nanci Nilles Psy.D.

Lately, I have heard the term “re-entry anxiety.” It is the apprehension some people have as the country moves to a post-pandemic phase. Mental health professionals have found a few themes present in these fears; a fear that a year of lockdown has decreased one’s social skills and a “lurking” fear one may contract or carry COVID19 variants to others. Symptoms of re-entry anxiety may include worrying about social situations, distractibility, and a desire to avoid others.
 
If you have never struggled with significant anxiety, such experiences are disconcerting and seemingly at odds with the lifting restrictions. If one has an anxiety disorder, re-entry anxiety may exacerbate existing worries. These more intense symptoms can feel like a significant setback. 
 
With its limited interactions with others and the absence of opportunity to travel, the past year resulted in repetitious days and solitary routines. Breaking these patterns, even when doing so is perceived in a positive light, may feel unsettling and cause anxiety. (Daily Briefing 2021.)
 
So what can we do to help ourselves cope with the re-entry anxiety? The first is to acknowledge the feeling of dread. Fear is difficult to ignore, and pushing away or trying to control it often makes it feel more intense. It is a paradox; by acknowledging anxiety's presence, we can exist with it more peacefully. 
 
We can also recall other changes we have navigated successfully. These memories build our self-confidence and remind us how often facing a challenging time leads to transformation. (Cuncic 2021.)
 
A practical approach is to set small, consistent goals for re-entry that allow for gradual exposure to anxiety-producing situations. Treating ourselves with self-compassion as we face what makes us uncomfortable is essential. There is no need to compare ourselves to what others are doing. By honoring our own pace, we practice gentleness towards ourselves, which also helps to lessen anxiety. (Dupont 2021.)

And lastly, if coping with re-entry anxiety feels like too much, it is ok to ask for assistance. Help can be increasing your support system, upping self-care, joining a support group, or seeking out treatment. Just know, it is ok to be anxious, and you need not navigate this passage alone. 

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By Megan Filipi
 
Chess is all the rage these days. Since we’ve been home during the Pandemic and binge watching “The Queen’s Gambit”, chess is the latest oldest trend. However, chess was played in our home long before this pandemic. Chess can help you in life in many ways. For example, it can help you make mindful, unrushed decisions, look at the bigger picture, and weigh the pros and cons of your choices.
 
Many years ago, I distinctly remember my 3-year-old son on his tippy toes, arms folded on the edge of the dining room table, chin resting on the tops of his hands, fully engaged and following the chess game being played by his Papa and Uncle Joe. Ever since, he’s been a chess player.
 
I’ve always wanted to learn this game my kids play regularly. I decided it was time for my son, who is now 21, to teach me. He started off small and slow, just what I needed! With pieces in place, he then described the role of each. Pawn “least powerful”, Rook “protector”, Knight “minor piece”, Bishop “minor piece”, King “most important”, Queen “most powerful”.
 
“Wait! Wait a second” I said. “What did you just say?” He then repeated it. “The King is the most important, but the Queen is the most powerful.”
 
I had to stop and take that in. What does that mean? Are they not synonymous? What does that even look like? Let’s apply that to us. What does it look like in everyday life? Important versus powerful. Don’t they have the same qualities?
 
Not necessarily.
 
I decided to investigate. Tony Robbins writes…”Let’s talk about one of the most sought after human needs: the need for significance. There’s not a person alive on the planet who doesn’t want to feel important or needed. Why is feeling special such a compelling force? Why does feeling insignificant make us feel so devastated? Once you understand why you’re driven to feel significant to those around you, you can better interpret your own actions and use this desire to help you work toward your goals.”
 
Why do we have a need to feel important? How do we do that? What are the characteristics of feeling ‘most important’? Let’s look at this more closely.
 
Some characteristics of feeling most important can be: haughtiness, overly self-confident, proud, productive, a go-getter, self-focused, boosts of self-esteem, being recognized, being acknowledged.
As I think more about this I wonder if one only feels important when being compared to others? Do these two terms ‘feeling more important than’ and ‘feeling important’ mean the same thing? Do you feel important because there is comparison to another? When you feel important you are gaining and getting all this attention. Attention can be paid to you but is it genuine interest? If the gained attention is only that then the ‘feeling important’ can be fleeting. Once that feeling is gone you want it back again.
 
Let’s look at what the characteristics are of feeling ‘most powerful’: quiet confidence, silent strength, self-assured, courageous, humble, vulnerable, intuitive, grateful, solid, calm, others focused, quick emotional recovery, self-disciplined, the ability to see with a wide-angle lens.
 
There doesn’t seem to be a comparison to another when feeling ‘most powerful’. It comes from within. It’s on the inside, not out. Take care of the power.
 
To me, feeling powerful is the most important. Be like the Queen. Move in any direction that’s best. Be surrounded by love and support. Know who you are and with conviction have the quiet confidence to live the life you were born to live.
 
So I ask you…which is better? To feel ‘most powerful’ or ‘most important’? Are there negative connotations for each? Does one have to be better than the other? Which one do you want to be? Can you be both?
 
Skills acquired while playing chess are nothing short of problem solving, patience, strategic thinking, creative thinking, or calm under pressure. These qualities can be used to live a fulfilling, daily life. Whether you want to feel ‘most important’ or ‘most powerful’, chess can show you the way.

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By Nanci Nilles Psy. D.
 
As we approach the pandemic’s year milestone, it is important to note many of us are experiencing emotional and physical fatigue, irritability, and overwhelm. Months of vigilance for our health and safety, disruption of daily routines, and social isolation have stressed our nervous systems and depleted our emotional and physical resources (Turmaud 2020).

Thankfully, there is a lot of literature available about navigating challenging times. A consistent message is to keep socially connected; get your sleep; maintain good nutrition; regulate social media; take a news break (Turmaud 2020). Excellent recommendations.

I want to add to this wisdom with the following tools, which may be a valuable addition to your self-care skill set. 

One such tool is staying in the present moment. No small task as internal and external distractions bombard us daily, causing our minds to race to the future or the past. A good question to ask oneself is, “What is most important now?” This question directs the attention to the present moment, creating a focal point. And having a focal point often helps to tune out noisy thoughts or a stressful news cycle (Athey 2021.)

The challenge of staying attuned to the present is redirecting attention when it wanders. Rather than criticizing yourself for an inability to sustain attention, it is more effective to accept that you will need to bring it back to the present moment.

Mindfulness and meditation develop this refocusing muscle. Another method is to adopt this daily practice: acknowledge a distraction by thinking “hello” to it. And then letting the distraction go by bidding it “good-bye.”

We often hear how isolation is one of the main struggles of the pandemic. Keeping regular contact with our support system is the best way to break this isolation. As an adjunct to personal connection, it can be helpful to “find your heroes.” This tool involves regularly reading, viewing, interacting with people or ideas who inspire or uplift you.

In challenging times, when there are multiple ways for the media to influence our outlook, we must choose the messages which will energize us rather than bring us down (Firestone, L 2021.) 

In these challenging times, we can actively choose to break out of living in crisis mode by practicing self-care regularly. And in doing so, may we find more moments of resilience and calm.

Athey, A (2021, January 14) “How to Weather Psychologically Toxic Conditions” Psychology Today.

Firestone, L (2021, February 1) “Nourishing Your Resilience in Hard times” Psychology Today.

Turnaud, D.(2020, June 21) “Why Survival Mode Isn’t the Best Way to Live.” Psychology Today. 

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Featured Article
By CML Staff
 
As has become our tradition in January, the CML community of providers is beginning the year with a word to describe a personal focus in 2021. As we did last year, we invite you to contribute to the discussion by posting your 2021 word on our Facebook page, along with a sentence of two about why you chose it for your focus this year. 
  
SANGHA [ suhng-guh ]
~Laura Crosby

In Pali and Sanskrit sangha means “bring together.” We often translate it more simply as “community.” 
The essence of sangha, for me, points to bringing together and being together in a particular way. Meeting each other -- and ourselves -- with presence, honesty, and kindness. Sharing and allowing. Seeing our sameness, honoring our diversity, experiencing our interconnectedness. Out of this can flow a wisdom, compassion, and belonging we can trust.  
While I have always cherished and found great comfort in togetherness, the distancing and divides of 2020 have shown me the refuge I take, the peace and freedom I find, and the insights I gain in what I know as sangha. And so, to sangha in 2021 and beyond. 

 
ANGER & GRACE
~Kara Cavel
 
Below is a description of the words anger and grace from Mary Anne Radmacher-Hershey. 
 
The two words in combination serve as a source of power for me. 
 
Anger:  
 
My anger is justified within me simply because it exists. Its expression may need to be to no one else except me. In fact, sometimes, this is the best expression. Words spoken in anger are rarely productive. Words in anger examined personally are revealing and instructive. I freely express my anger to myself, then if needed, I will offer the results without apology. 
 
Grace: 
 
There is a place of safety which I create for myself. In moments of confusion, at times when I feel overwhelmed, I step into my own circle of grace. It is in this place I converse with myself and see any situation with greater clarity. 
 
 
COURAGE
~Nanci Nilles
 
I read the description of Courage from J. Ruth Gendler's The Book of Qualities.  She writes "Courage looks you straight in the eye. She is not impressed with power trippers, and she knows first aid. Courage is not afraid to weep and she is not afraid to pray, even when she is not sure who she is praying to." This is the quality I seek in myself and others; exactly what (I believe) these times call for. 

 
UNHURRIED
~Pamela Mueggenberg
 
My word for this year is unhurried. Several weeks ago, the planets aligned and I was able to brush my teeth, brush my hair, wash my face, and even put on moisturizer (!!) without anyone needing help or attention.
 
As a mom of two boys, one a gigantic 8-month-old baby, that little moment was a cherished anomaly. I realized that unhurried moments of self-care are urgently needed in my life.
 
Faced with the temptation of what may be happening with my family while I'm working, or what I need to do at work while I'm with my family I find myself hurrying through my life just to get to the Next Thing.
 
This year I am going to try to slowly, unapologetically, unhurriedly take care of myself in small moments through the day. Even moisturizing!”


HOPE
~Meg Filipi
 
It’s my nature to be hopeful. I do have hope for all of us in 2021. Hope is in moments. Those moments can occur spontaneously or I can actively create them. One way I do that is by perusing a recent masterpiece “The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and The Horse” by Charlie Mackesy. 
 
If you need a little more hope throughout your year, because the pages are full of it, I highly recommend picking up a copy. This book will bring you many moments of hope along with a peaceful smile.
 
 
EMERGENCE
~Louisa Foster
 
2020 really threw me out of my natural rhythm. I was trucking along, with a pretty good idea of where I was headed, and how to get there, when the pandemic and a couple of other personal challenges hit. As we all experienced, life and plans became a big cosmic game of “pick-up sticks”.
 
At first, I resisted these changes. But, once I surrendered (my 2018 word) a bit, I found that last year provided an unequaled opportunity to re-examine all the things I was so darn sure about.
 
This year, I intend to continue to challenge myself to think outside the box about myself, my life, my relationships, and give myself permission to try some new things and experience myself in some new ways. And to listen to what I find. The cocoon is tight, but I feel some wings forming.
 
 
INTERCONNECTED
~Dan Weidner
 
I chose this word because Covid-19 is proof of our interconnectedness – it doesn’t care who you are…! Furthermore, we must begin to heal our Nation by understanding that when all is said and done we are inexorably interconnected.

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By Megan Kelly Filipi, BSN, RN, CPC, ELI-MP

“Get outside. Watch the sunrise. Watch the sunset. How does that make you feel? Does it make you feel big and tiny? Because there’s something good about feeling both.”
- Amy Grant

That was my Thanksgiving.

I was solo, watching the sun rise and set in Valentine, Nebraska. And it was glorious!

I never thought that I would be alone for Thanksgiving, (notice—I didn’t say lonely) nor did I ever think I could have enjoyed being alone for Thanksgiving. But that’s what 2020 has done, help us to see our lives and our experiences in a different way.

What a time we are living in! Soon enough this pandemic will be coming to an end. Yes, it will be over. Eventually. With all the heartache it has caused, it will be gone as fast as it came.

Because we are in the holiday season, let’s focus on blessings. With the holidays, there is often a belief, and sometimes even forced subliminal messaging, that they are supposed to be perfectly joy-filled and merry. But they can also be messy, depressing, and harried. They can be both. So too can this pandemic.

Amidst all the pain, there still is goodness happening. What if we looked at this global pandemic as if it’s happening FOR us, instead of happening TO us? We can have both togetherness yet isolation; family yet solitude; love yet fear; laughter yet grief; fulfillment yet feeling incomplete; joy yet sorrow.

How many of us have felt guilty smiling while suffering a loss? At the time believing, “I shouldn’t smile because I am grieving.” What if we allowed ourselves to feel both? What if we allowed ourselves to be both happy and sad? One thing this scary time needs is GRACE—grace towards others and especially toward ourselves. Let’s not chastise ourselves for feeling some good during these days of fear.

You have permission. You can be scared, yet secure; terrified, yet peaceful; insecure, yet safe; unsure, yet solid; leading, yet asking for guidance; angry, yet calm; overwhelmed, yet in control; lost, yet found; small, yet powerful; serious, yet playful; crying, yet laughing; unsure, yet wise; second guessing, yet intuitive; angry, yet compassionate; protector, yet needing protection; sensitive, yet strong; work in progress, yet masterpiece; lover, yet needing to be loved; history, yet present moment; segmented, yet whole; curse, yet a blessing.

I am a nurse, with 25 years of experience, who is recently certified as a Wellness/Energy Leadership Coach. I want to serve and guide those going through life’s transitions. I want to help shift your energy, so that you can get the most out of your life, while making conscious decisions through your transitions.

I’ve gone through big transitions in my life, especially as of late, and I am here to help those who will do the same. We ALL go through transitions—each and every one of us— you transition. It’s a collective grief we are experiencing. We are all in this together.

As palpable as the stress, anxiety, and fear of our world is today we can prevail and find the goodness. Let’s bring in the New Year with wholeness. Strive to accept yourself with your multitude of opposing emotions. Where there is dark, let there be light. Let’s carry the light together into the new year.

You can be both.

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By Pamela Mueggenberg LMHP, MA
Art Therapy Counseling
 
“Be confused, it’s where you begin to learn new things. Be broken, it’s where you begin to heal. Be frustrated, it’s where you start to make more authentic decisions. Be sad, because if we are brave enough we can hear our heart’s wisdom through it. Be whatever you are right now. No more hiding. You are worthy, always.” -S.C. Lourie
 
The act of creative expression is a strong tool for psychological healing from trauma. Music, movement, art, poetry, writing, drama are all vital to our work as mortals navigating difficult times. Unfortunately, creativity is often rife with judgement - from ourselves, mainly, but also others who attempt to signal their own virtue through self-righteous proclamations: “if you aren’t learning a new language/lifting weights/making original art in quarantine you never wanted to!”

That statement, from a clinical perspective, is utter hogwash. Sometimes we can make time for ourselves and our creative needs. Other times we have succeeded in our day by just getting out of bed in the morning. Take inventory of yourself, with compassion, and if you find a desire to do something a little more reflective that particular day, here are some ideas.

Utilize your Visual Voice. To name an experience is to claim some solace. We could use our spoken language to make sense of some of the feelings we have, but that can be too immediate, glib, or accidentally hyperbolic.

If we instead use creative expression to safely contain and create separation from our pain, we have a moment in our work to view the sensation as a discernible object that we can name, describe or contextualize.

• Dig out some of your favorite songs and create a playlist for your last month. Get a nice, small canvas and use those oil pastels to make an album cover, perhaps titled “November 2020, this crap is still happening.”

Create a bit of safety. Using our imagination to describe moments of peace can be an oasis of safety during stressful times. Gretchen Miller calls this process “an essential foundation to start stabilizing terror into manageable states of contentment and security.”

• What is your favorite season of the year? What colors or symbols remind you of that season? What would it look like if you made an homage to spring, using that nice flat piece of cardboard from your latest amazon box that you saved, and some paint?
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Structured, Sensory Intervention. Stress and trauma invade the body, causing a disconnection between our inner and outer worlds. It is difficult to feel those warm sheets just out of the dryer, or smell that fifth loaf of bread you just baked, if your head is swimming with unknowns and must-dos. Taking time to engage your senses in pleasant experiences can help our nervous system calm, which in turn slows your thoughts.

• I’m going to say it. PLAY-DOH. Get yourself some play-doh. The smell alone is divine. You’ll thank me later.

Empower your own resilience. You may not be able to control when your boss will give you your hours back, but you can choose what color you’re going to paint that wall, damn it. Miller reminds us, creating art gives you chances to “make choices, problem solve, make meaning,” and safely navigate options for success in a low-risk setting.

• Do you have dominos at home? When is the last time you made a dominos maze? If you are feeling extra clever see if you can incorporate other elements: toy cars, cue balls, cooperative family members. It is just as satisfying as you remember.

Remember, you can do things to help you feel better but you are not obligated to do them all the time. Be gentle with yourself and those around you, and we’ll get through this.

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by Laura Crosby
 
An unalienable right we know by heart. “The pursuit of happiness.” But do we know it? For many it has become so rote that we no longer reflect on what it really means to us.
 
Is it the pursuit that is our right? Is it the happiness? What is pursuit? What is happiness? What is a right? What is right?
 
In my head, I am hearing, “Can I be real a second? Tell the people how I feel a second?” (From Hamilton again.)
 
Let’s be real. Let’s explore together. What is this happiness we are pursuing? 
 
Yes, the original declaration of these rights omitted women, was not extended in its day to black or indigenous peoples let alone LGBTQ+ people, and was authored and signed by slave-owning elites. Maybe some of us don’t even think the declaration is relevant to us. Still, it’s baked into this country, this democracy, our psyches, our neurons. Arguably, unjust pursuit of a warped notion of happiness is what perpetuated (and perpetuates) these hypocrisies.
 
So again, what is this happiness we are pursuing?
 
Every day I feel my heart sending this refrain, “May all beings live in health, peace and happiness, free from hatred and suffering.” Over and over. All beings. Happiness.
 
And to you now, “May you live in health, peace and happiness, free from hatred and suffering.” 
 
Even as they bring us to our knees, trying times like these clarify and crystallize what this happiness is that we seek, bringing into sharpest relief the divergence between a true, deep happiness and a shallow, illusory one.
 
What’s more, times like these put us in touch with the nature of our pursuits, often revealing whether the means are worthy of the ends. Are these the pursuits that will yield the Happiness … and what about the Life and Liberty? And what if these are not the pursuits that will do so but they still feel good, what then? 
 
While the rights may be unalienable, we are called upon to wield them wisely, mindfully.
 
Viktor Frankl says, “It’s not the load that wears us down, it’s how we carry it.” What a beautiful invitation to simply look at how we are carrying our load. Can we carry it in a way that conditions peace and happiness for all? 
 
What is the truth of what we are thinking, believing, intending, saying, and doing? Will it shape a wholesome happiness for ourselves and others? Poet Naomi Shihab Nye offers a rendition of wholesome happiness this way in her poem So Much Happiness.

…happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way …
Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known

This is the happiness my heart sends you each day, the kind that doesn’t need anything, that flows out of you into everything you touch. This is the pursuit and the happiness. 

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By Pamela Mueggenberg LMHP, MA
Art Therapy Counseling
 
Stillness and action are relative, not absolute, principles. It is important to find a balance... in everyday life. In movement, seek stillness and rest. In rest, be mindful and attentive. ~Ken Cohen
 
This week as I connect with my friends and family, watch the news, and talk to my clients I am better understanding that we, as a culture, are currently floating in a sea of stress.
 
I won't list all the different issues that could be causing you to lose sleep at night: they permeate our everyday world and seep into us as water seeps into dry dirt. It is as difficult to stop this anxiety from infecting us, as it is trying to keep mud dry.
 
Enter one of my favorite neuropsychiatrists, Dr. Dan Seigel. Dr. Seigel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and author to many wonderful books that integrate neuropsychiatry, attachment, and mindfulness into concrete strategies to be kinder to yourself.
 
One of my favorite ideas of his is how we are individuals interact with the outside world. We have rivers of information and energy flowing within us in the form of sensations, thoughts, emotions, and behavior. This river flows into itself, building up to rapids when we are anxious or slowing to an ice floe when we are sleepy.
We can change the course of this river by changing our focus of attention, or change the speed with conscious breath. We can think of this river inside us as our mind, a new way of seeing ourselves.
 
The other river we need to be aware of is the flow between ourselves and the outside world. Information and energy flow into us and can affect us in subtle but powerful ways: alerting us to danger, softening our bodies around those we love, speeding up our minds when asked an interesting question.
 
This river that flows into us is how we experience being a part of our larger world.
 
Currently the river flowing into us is urgent, information packed, and often unsettling.   If we view ourselves as a person trying to stand in the river we will surely be toppled.
 
However, we can always remember - we are water. As this river flows into us we can allow it to pass through us and out again. The river within us cannot be knocked over, swept up, knocked aside. A river is always moving, changing, finding new paths.
 
We are the river, and we are powerful.

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