By Megan Kelly Filipi, BSN, RN, CPC, ELI-MP

“Get outside. Watch the sunrise. Watch the sunset. How does that make you feel? Does it make you feel big and tiny? Because there’s something good about feeling both.”
- Amy Grant

That was my Thanksgiving.

I was solo, watching the sun rise and set in Valentine, Nebraska. And it was glorious!

I never thought that I would be alone for Thanksgiving, (notice—I didn’t say lonely) nor did I ever think I could have enjoyed being alone for Thanksgiving. But that’s what 2020 has done, help us to see our lives and our experiences in a different way.

What a time we are living in! Soon enough this pandemic will be coming to an end. Yes, it will be over. Eventually. With all the heartache it has caused, it will be gone as fast as it came.

Because we are in the holiday season, let’s focus on blessings. With the holidays, there is often a belief, and sometimes even forced subliminal messaging, that they are supposed to be perfectly joy-filled and merry. But they can also be messy, depressing, and harried. They can be both. So too can this pandemic.

Amidst all the pain, there still is goodness happening. What if we looked at this global pandemic as if it’s happening FOR us, instead of happening TO us? We can have both togetherness yet isolation; family yet solitude; love yet fear; laughter yet grief; fulfillment yet feeling incomplete; joy yet sorrow.

How many of us have felt guilty smiling while suffering a loss? At the time believing, “I shouldn’t smile because I am grieving.” What if we allowed ourselves to feel both? What if we allowed ourselves to be both happy and sad? One thing this scary time needs is GRACE—grace towards others and especially toward ourselves. Let’s not chastise ourselves for feeling some good during these days of fear.

You have permission. You can be scared, yet secure; terrified, yet peaceful; insecure, yet safe; unsure, yet solid; leading, yet asking for guidance; angry, yet calm; overwhelmed, yet in control; lost, yet found; small, yet powerful; serious, yet playful; crying, yet laughing; unsure, yet wise; second guessing, yet intuitive; angry, yet compassionate; protector, yet needing protection; sensitive, yet strong; work in progress, yet masterpiece; lover, yet needing to be loved; history, yet present moment; segmented, yet whole; curse, yet a blessing.

I am a nurse, with 25 years of experience, who is recently certified as a Wellness/Energy Leadership Coach. I want to serve and guide those going through life’s transitions. I want to help shift your energy, so that you can get the most out of your life, while making conscious decisions through your transitions.

I’ve gone through big transitions in my life, especially as of late, and I am here to help those who will do the same. We ALL go through transitions—each and every one of us— you transition. It’s a collective grief we are experiencing. We are all in this together.

As palpable as the stress, anxiety, and fear of our world is today we can prevail and find the goodness. Let’s bring in the New Year with wholeness. Strive to accept yourself with your multitude of opposing emotions. Where there is dark, let there be light. Let’s carry the light together into the new year.

You can be both.

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By Pamela Mueggenberg LMHP, MA
Art Therapy Counseling
 
“Be confused, it’s where you begin to learn new things. Be broken, it’s where you begin to heal. Be frustrated, it’s where you start to make more authentic decisions. Be sad, because if we are brave enough we can hear our heart’s wisdom through it. Be whatever you are right now. No more hiding. You are worthy, always.” -S.C. Lourie
 
The act of creative expression is a strong tool for psychological healing from trauma. Music, movement, art, poetry, writing, drama are all vital to our work as mortals navigating difficult times. Unfortunately, creativity is often rife with judgement - from ourselves, mainly, but also others who attempt to signal their own virtue through self-righteous proclamations: “if you aren’t learning a new language/lifting weights/making original art in quarantine you never wanted to!”

That statement, from a clinical perspective, is utter hogwash. Sometimes we can make time for ourselves and our creative needs. Other times we have succeeded in our day by just getting out of bed in the morning. Take inventory of yourself, with compassion, and if you find a desire to do something a little more reflective that particular day, here are some ideas.

Utilize your Visual Voice. To name an experience is to claim some solace. We could use our spoken language to make sense of some of the feelings we have, but that can be too immediate, glib, or accidentally hyperbolic.

If we instead use creative expression to safely contain and create separation from our pain, we have a moment in our work to view the sensation as a discernible object that we can name, describe or contextualize.

• Dig out some of your favorite songs and create a playlist for your last month. Get a nice, small canvas and use those oil pastels to make an album cover, perhaps titled “November 2020, this crap is still happening.”

Create a bit of safety. Using our imagination to describe moments of peace can be an oasis of safety during stressful times. Gretchen Miller calls this process “an essential foundation to start stabilizing terror into manageable states of contentment and security.”

• What is your favorite season of the year? What colors or symbols remind you of that season? What would it look like if you made an homage to spring, using that nice flat piece of cardboard from your latest amazon box that you saved, and some paint?
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Structured, Sensory Intervention. Stress and trauma invade the body, causing a disconnection between our inner and outer worlds. It is difficult to feel those warm sheets just out of the dryer, or smell that fifth loaf of bread you just baked, if your head is swimming with unknowns and must-dos. Taking time to engage your senses in pleasant experiences can help our nervous system calm, which in turn slows your thoughts.

• I’m going to say it. PLAY-DOH. Get yourself some play-doh. The smell alone is divine. You’ll thank me later.

Empower your own resilience. You may not be able to control when your boss will give you your hours back, but you can choose what color you’re going to paint that wall, damn it. Miller reminds us, creating art gives you chances to “make choices, problem solve, make meaning,” and safely navigate options for success in a low-risk setting.

• Do you have dominos at home? When is the last time you made a dominos maze? If you are feeling extra clever see if you can incorporate other elements: toy cars, cue balls, cooperative family members. It is just as satisfying as you remember.

Remember, you can do things to help you feel better but you are not obligated to do them all the time. Be gentle with yourself and those around you, and we’ll get through this.

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by Laura Crosby
 
An unalienable right we know by heart. “The pursuit of happiness.” But do we know it? For many it has become so rote that we no longer reflect on what it really means to us.
 
Is it the pursuit that is our right? Is it the happiness? What is pursuit? What is happiness? What is a right? What is right?
 
In my head, I am hearing, “Can I be real a second? Tell the people how I feel a second?” (From Hamilton again.)
 
Let’s be real. Let’s explore together. What is this happiness we are pursuing? 
 
Yes, the original declaration of these rights omitted women, was not extended in its day to black or indigenous peoples let alone LGBTQ+ people, and was authored and signed by slave-owning elites. Maybe some of us don’t even think the declaration is relevant to us. Still, it’s baked into this country, this democracy, our psyches, our neurons. Arguably, unjust pursuit of a warped notion of happiness is what perpetuated (and perpetuates) these hypocrisies.
 
So again, what is this happiness we are pursuing?
 
Every day I feel my heart sending this refrain, “May all beings live in health, peace and happiness, free from hatred and suffering.” Over and over. All beings. Happiness.
 
And to you now, “May you live in health, peace and happiness, free from hatred and suffering.” 
 
Even as they bring us to our knees, trying times like these clarify and crystallize what this happiness is that we seek, bringing into sharpest relief the divergence between a true, deep happiness and a shallow, illusory one.
 
What’s more, times like these put us in touch with the nature of our pursuits, often revealing whether the means are worthy of the ends. Are these the pursuits that will yield the Happiness … and what about the Life and Liberty? And what if these are not the pursuits that will do so but they still feel good, what then? 
 
While the rights may be unalienable, we are called upon to wield them wisely, mindfully.
 
Viktor Frankl says, “It’s not the load that wears us down, it’s how we carry it.” What a beautiful invitation to simply look at how we are carrying our load. Can we carry it in a way that conditions peace and happiness for all? 
 
What is the truth of what we are thinking, believing, intending, saying, and doing? Will it shape a wholesome happiness for ourselves and others? Poet Naomi Shihab Nye offers a rendition of wholesome happiness this way in her poem So Much Happiness.

…happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way …
Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known

This is the happiness my heart sends you each day, the kind that doesn’t need anything, that flows out of you into everything you touch. This is the pursuit and the happiness. 

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By Pamela Mueggenberg LMHP, MA
Art Therapy Counseling
 
Stillness and action are relative, not absolute, principles. It is important to find a balance... in everyday life. In movement, seek stillness and rest. In rest, be mindful and attentive. ~Ken Cohen
 
This week as I connect with my friends and family, watch the news, and talk to my clients I am better understanding that we, as a culture, are currently floating in a sea of stress.
 
I won't list all the different issues that could be causing you to lose sleep at night: they permeate our everyday world and seep into us as water seeps into dry dirt. It is as difficult to stop this anxiety from infecting us, as it is trying to keep mud dry.
 
Enter one of my favorite neuropsychiatrists, Dr. Dan Seigel. Dr. Seigel is a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA and author to many wonderful books that integrate neuropsychiatry, attachment, and mindfulness into concrete strategies to be kinder to yourself.
 
One of my favorite ideas of his is how we are individuals interact with the outside world. We have rivers of information and energy flowing within us in the form of sensations, thoughts, emotions, and behavior. This river flows into itself, building up to rapids when we are anxious or slowing to an ice floe when we are sleepy.
We can change the course of this river by changing our focus of attention, or change the speed with conscious breath. We can think of this river inside us as our mind, a new way of seeing ourselves.
 
The other river we need to be aware of is the flow between ourselves and the outside world. Information and energy flow into us and can affect us in subtle but powerful ways: alerting us to danger, softening our bodies around those we love, speeding up our minds when asked an interesting question.
 
This river that flows into us is how we experience being a part of our larger world.
 
Currently the river flowing into us is urgent, information packed, and often unsettling.   If we view ourselves as a person trying to stand in the river we will surely be toppled.
 
However, we can always remember - we are water. As this river flows into us we can allow it to pass through us and out again. The river within us cannot be knocked over, swept up, knocked aside. A river is always moving, changing, finding new paths.
 
We are the river, and we are powerful.

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By Laura Crosby
 
"You want a revolution? I want a revelation." This echoes in my mind these days. A rebellious line from the free-thinking, quick-witted, sharp-tongued black female lead in Lin-Manuel Miranda's Hamilton.
 
The first time I heard this lyric, it was like a meditation bell, waking mind and heart to the present moment and to something that had been stirring in me. This simple refrain was a declaration, a dare, a secret handshake, a knowing smile.
 
I, too, want a revelation.
 
To be clear, I'm not speaking of a revelation in the religious sense or one all my very own. Rather, I want a revelation - or revelations - for our time. Ones that will serve humanity and all life. Ones that help us make sense of this defining moment, that help us heal and grow from it.
 
We know what's at stake in this "perfect storm" of a global pandemic, environmental crisis, racial injustice, economic upheaval, and an election that may well be a watershed moment for democracy.
 
Could there be a better time to pay attention and mindfully reflect on the truths at play? On what we might learn, understand, and change individually and collectively?
 
Bringing awareness and compassion to our own experience, we come to trust that we can meet the emotions, confusion, and difficulties of even these trying times, if only for a few moments at a time - which is often enough.
 
Pausing to calmly abide with our minds and hearts open in this way, turning toward the truth of each moment, we make space for the natural arising of insight, of revelation. And with this, we can more often plant the seeds of clarity and peace the world so needs.  
 
Author Arundhati Roy suggests that this pandemic can be a portal. She says,
"It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next. We can choose to walk through it, dragging the carcasses of our prejudice and hatred, our avarice, our data banks and dead ideas, our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us. Or we can walk through lightly, with little luggage, ready to imagine another world. And ready to fight for it."
 
If this time is to be a portal, we must be open to its revelations. This will be our legacy - the legacy of how we meet this moment, understand its teachings, and build a gateway to the next world. As they say in Hamilton, "What is a legacy? It's planting seeds in a garden you never get to see."
 
May we all get to see some of this garden. I'll see you there.

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By Dr. Kara Cavel, LICSW
 
Right now, there are two pandemics in the United States ----COVID-19 and racism.
   
"COVID-19 has claimed more than 100,000 American lives, and unequal access to quality medical care has contributed to the incredibly disproportionate impact of COVID-19 among traditionally under served Black and Brown populations. The other pandemic - institutional racism - has been responsible, in some way or another, for untold fatalities for more than 400 years" ( NASW Social Work blog ). 
 
During this time of reckoning, repair, and change, I have often felt overwhelmed and confused with how to be of service to my community supporting the pursuit of equity, justice, inclusion, and solidarity. 
 
My pronouns are she, her, hers, and I am a White, heterosexual, cis-gendered, able-bodied woman.  These identities have advantaged me throughout my life and have only recently been examined. 
 
As a person who has benefited from these identities, I have been hesitant to get involved in the process of social change because I have been uncertain of my role in the process, fearful of making mistakes, of unintentionally centering myself, and/or of being criticized.  My desire to participate in social change in the "perfect" or "right" way has been a barrier to finding my purpose and role.  
 
I was recently introduced to the work of Deepa Iyer, a South Asian American writer, strategist, lawyer, and racial justice advocate.  Whether you are a newcomer to the work of social change or have regularly participated in movements or organizations where you are called to action, I have found Deepa Iyer's framework entitled Mapping our Roles in a Social Change Ecosystem useful in helping me reflect on what role I play in the process of social change. 
 
Brene Brown, a White social work scholar and author states, "I want to get it right, not be right," in her recent interview with Austin Channing Brown , a Black author, speaker, and leader in racial justice work in America. Her words along with Iyer's framework have helped me navigate how my perfectionist tendencies and my desire to be perceived as "right" have interfered with my involvement. 
 
When thinking about social change, Iyer asks her readers to reflect on the question, "When (and not if) I make mistakes, how do I acknowledge them and course correct without feeling like I've failed?"
 
Making mistakes is an inevitable part of being human.  Making mistakes and acknowledging them is a practice I continue to invite into my life.  Apologizing in a way that acknowledges my intentions and the impact my intentions have had on others is a good place to start. 
 
I invite you to reflect on the experience of "being right" versus "getting it right" and how this may show up not only in your involvement in social change, but also in your interpersonal and intra-personal life.  What, if anything, is the barrier to your involvement in activating change within yourself, your relationships, or your community?   How does acknowledging this obstacle invite you to engage in the cycle of taking action....making mistakes.... doing better....dialogue and reflection....taking action....making mistakes....doing better......?

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By Daniel Tipton, LMHP
 
A remarkable amount of people (those who know I am a couples counselor) have said to me,  "You must be getting a lot of clients because people are spending so much time together." I was interested in how the pandemic might change my clients' stories. I thought I would share what I have seen thus far. These are based on my observation. I have not conducted formal surveys.
 
My first observation is that it has intensified problems that were already present rather than creating new ones. Now that people are together more, it is harder to ignore issues. The small things they redirected to their subconscious are now more glaring as there is a higher frequency  of related incidents. People who could get by focusing on the routine of life without addressing deeper issues are now coming to see me.
 
Another problem is time management. The pandemic thrust people into their home, forcing them to create new schedules and routines. Many of my clients complain about not having enough time together. Now, they have considerably more time, yet they still find ways to disengage from each other.
 
In my experience, quality time is more an issue of commitment and motivation, than logistical barriers. A quote I often share is, "If you don't have time for quality time, you don't have time for a relationship." I understand that many people are busy, but often there are deeper problems with intimacy, rather than simply, "making the time."
 
COVID-19 has undoubtedly increased stress on families and couples. Each of us has a finite amount of energy to give each day. If simply getting through a day is taxing, there is only going to be so much left for the couples to, "fill each other's buckets."
 
In this case, I start by helping couples determine what is an "inside job or outside job." In most cases, when clients see how important quality time is for repairing their relationship, new solutions arise due to increased motivation to change. This is the "outside job."
 
The inside work is where I come in to help couples address barriers to emotional connection and effective conflict management. Life is hard and we have to make space for connecting, especially with our commitment partner.
 
Relationship satisfaction is a huge factor in overall life satisfaction. Those couples who are managing conflict well and emotionally connecting are going to engage life stress as a common goal rather than an excuse to withdraw.
 
These are just a few observations. We have yet to see how the long-term effects will manifest in relationships. What I tell people is that most every couple could benefit from having a well-trained couples counselor at some point in their life. This pandemic is helping some of those people get into counseling sooner. However, I imagine that other couples might put continue to put  counseling off to deal with pandemic related challenges.

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By Dr. Kara Cavel, LCSW
 
Dan Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA, an author, and one of my personal academic heroes, offers practical tools supported by research in several of his books, notably Brainstorm (2013) and Mindsight (2011) to develop and maintain well-being.
 
Siegel uses the phrase The Healthy Mind Platter which highlights 7 daily activities that promote well-being.
 
1)  Sleeping is crucial for our bodies and especially our brains. It helps with memory consolidation, insulin function and food metabolism, immune function, stress reduction, and mental functioning such as thinking, problem solving, handling emotions, and connecting with others. According to the United States National Sleep Foundation, the recommended amount of sleep for optimal health for adults is 7 to 9 hours (Siegel, 2013, p. 285).
 
2)  Physical time includes moving your body throughout the day. Move your body in any way you can. This is good for your brain as it enhances neuroplasticity---how our brains change in response to experiences. Try dancing, walking, yoga, or any activity that increases your heart rate for about thirty minutes a day.
 
3)  Focus time includes focusing our attention on one thing at a time in order to give our brains the opportunity to do what is was built for--processing energy and information, linking information to other information, and consolidating the neural firing into long-term structural changes (Siegal, 2013, p. 286). Try reading without interruption, doing a cross word puzzle, or writing/journaling for twenty minutes a day.  
 
4)  Time-in refers to sitting with ourselves and reflecting on our inner world. Bringing awareness to your breath for five minutes a day is a great way to strengthen the part of the brain that regulates attention, emotion, and thinking.
 
5)  Down time refers to doing nothing! Yes! Do nothing! Take a portion of your day and dedicate it to doing nothing, having no plans, and giving the brain a break.
 
6)  Play time includes laughter and engaging in activities with ourselves or others that bring joy, freedom, and wonder! Doing this will help to reinvigorate the part of your brain that helps you think outside of the box.
 
7)  Connecting time includes cultivating our relationship with others in order to enrich our lives, find more meaning, and develop wisdom through reflective conversations.
 
I hope these practices create a stronger sense of well-being for you throughout the next month!
 
References:
 
Siegel, D.J. (2013). Brainstorm: The power and purpose of the teenage brain. Penguin Group.    
 
Siegel, D. J. (2011). Mindsight: The new science of personal transfor

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Daniel G. Weidner
 
"By the Law of Periodical Repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's, and each obeying its own law." (Mark Twain).
 
The time of the coronavirus known as Covid-19 is now fully upon us. Someday this will be history. Right now it is a pervasive and sometimes frightening current event. But we know from history that it is a repeat of countless plagues that have visited humankind since the dawn of history. We, the people of planet Earth, who are living through this current plague of 2020 must do our best to learn everything that we can from this event and pass that knowledge and wisdom on to future generations. Each generation learns from past generations. This is our story, of our life, during our time. It is, therefore, incumbent upon us to record this history in our own way through the medium that is best suited for us at this time.
 
Joan Halifax (Roshi, PhD) in her book The Fruitful Darkness states that: "...stories are also protectors. Like our immune systems, they defend us and the people against attacks of debilitating alienation . My good friend Steven Foster says that people erect symbolic stories around themselves like houses. These stories are "circles of protection and purpose that bodily carry our spirits all the way to the gates of death." For stories and myths are the connective tissue between culture and nature, between self and other, between life and death that sew the worlds together in their telling. And in the protective and connective body of story the soul quickens. It comes alive."
 
The story of this plague in our time is important in so many ways. The telling of this story is both good for us in the now and good for future generations who will look back at this time with awe and wonder. Through the telling of this story we can begin to understand and appreciate the fears, anxieties, hopes, and aspirations that we are currently experiencing. We also can pass important and perhaps vital knowledge and wisdom on to those who follow in our footsteps.
 
I want to encourage everyone reading this to record your story. Utilize your own true nature and your own skills to express this human story through a variety of mediums. Leave the judgments aside and just tell the story through whatever creative and expressive form(s) that suits you best. The mediums of art (drawing, painting, sculpture...), dance, music, poetry, prose, photography, and journaling are all well suited for the telling and recording of this complex, emotional, and powerful time in which we live.
 
While you are doing this remember to stay home, stay safe, save lives. Namaste.

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By Nanci Nilles Psy.D. 
 
Not only is nature beautiful, now there is evidence it may reduce type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, depression, sleep disorders, pre-term birth, and premature death.
 
An examination of the evidence from 140 studies involving populations from the UK, US, Spain, France, Germany, Australia, and Japan, suggests communities with higher levels of green space are more likely to report overall good health. The study defined green space as both open underdeveloped land with natural vegetation as well as urban green spaces such as parks and street greenery. (Twohig-Bennet 2018) 

There are theories as to why nature seems to heal. Some speculate the increased physical activity and socialization, which often accompanies outdoor activity, is responsible for a decrease in inflammation. Others speculate the outdoors exposes the body to a wider range of bacteria than an indoor dwelling, which strengthens the immune system.
 
Being in nature also seems to switch the body into a "rest and digest" mode, which is the opposite of the fight or flight mode. The fight or flight response diverts physical resources from "nonessential" functions such as the immune system. When the body is in nature and feels safe, the immune system strengthens which improves overall mental and physical health.  

It can be tempting to hole up for the winter in front of screens. However, a walk around the neighborhood, stepping outside a work site for a breath of fresh air, or faithfully filling the bird feeder may be more healing and helpful than you would have ever thought - no need to wait for spring to get a dose of nature's healing. 
 
The Health Benefits of the Great Outdoors: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis of Green Space Exposure and Health Outcome. Environmental Research July 2018. Twohig-Bennet et al.

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