By Daniel G. Weidner, MA
 
There is much being written about and discussed regarding Mindfulness these days.  In the West we tend to get a little faddish about things and we find that the current fad passes as the next one arrives.  The 2,400+ year old practice of Mindfulness will be around long after the current trend here in the West moves on. 
 
Practitioners of Mindfulness realize that a lifelong commitment to the practice is essential. There is an understanding that the fundamental goal of Mindfulness is not to attain some heightened state but to live our lives in the present moment - to be here now.  The practice helps us to be present for our lives as they are now. 
 
Practitioners learn that the past is a dream and the future is a vision, but the present moment is where we actually live.  We learn to watch our thoughts and to be with our feelings and emotions. We recognize and become aware of our suffering and emotional reactivity, and begin to cut through self-deception. 
 
The practice is in many ways healing and naturally leads to an increase in compassion, empathy, and understanding for ourselves and others.    No wonder it has gained some notoriety in the West!  But make no mistake; this is not a hobby to be picked up when one has some spare time.  The realization of the benefits of Mindfulness practice requires both a formal daily practice and an informal daily practice. 
 
The formal daily practice involves Meditation.  It is a fundamental.  Learning to meditate takes time and can be facilitated by engaging with a meditation teacher, reading instructional materials, viewing videos, listening to audio presentations, going to meditation retreats, and getting involved with other meditation practitioners.  
 
As a long time mediator it has been my experience and understanding that it is not how long one sits in meditation, but how often.  Yes, there are wonderful benefits and understandings to be attained by longer periods of meditation.  But sitting every day, no matter what is taking place in your life at the moment, is where the most significant impact of meditation can be realized.
 
Sitting when you feel great or ill, sitting when you don't really want to, sitting when you are traveling, and sitting when conditions are not ideal - this is where you find the greatest learning and insight into your own life.  So, formal sitting or walking meditation every day, no matter what... this is what will facilitate and maximize our ability to develop a deeper relationship with the thinking mind and to touch the heart.  
 
Through the formal practice of meditation we learn and develop skills.  We learn to concentrate on our breath, to observe our thinking mind, to name and note thoughts and feelings, and to deal with a myriad of distractions.  We learn about impermanence and the fact that nothing lasts and that change is our constant companion.  We learn how to return to the present moment. 
 
As we progress and grow in our meditation practice these skills begin to fully develop and we gain habit strength with them.  Our ability to recognize and be aware of emotional reactivity and suffering strengthens and expands.  We learn to note and/or name the thoughts and resultant feelings that arise, and let them pass.  We learn to return over and over to the present moment. 
 
The informal daily practice begins to take shape from the formal daily practice.  This is what is sometimes referred to as everyday mindfulness.  We take the learnings and experiences from our daily meditation practice and begin to utilize and apply them in our daily lives.  We take the formal meditation skills and begin to apply them on an ad hoc basis as we move through the vicissitudes of our lives. 
 
There is a growing recognition that we cannot know what may happen to us next and we begin to understand the groundless nature of our lives.  Trust in ourselves and our ability to open to our lives as they are begins to expand.  Over time we are able to recognize emotional reactivity as it is arising in the moment, note and/or name it, and (with some practice) let it pass.  Suffering (defined here as what we add to our experience) becomes increasingly apparent and we begin to comprehend that we no longer need to engage in the (sometimes habitual) thoughts that serve to extend or increase uncomfortable or painful experiences, as well as positive/desired experiences. 
 
We learn to accept what is happening and to move on with our lives.  In this way we bring greater freedom and equanimity to our daily lives.  The informal practice then begins to inform and enhance our formal practice.  There is an interdependence and interconnected-ness that develops in our practice between the formal and informal daily practices.  This then becomes a way of life for the practitioner and helps her or him to live life in the present moment in a consistent manner.

by Daniel G. Weidner, MA

This is a reflection on mindfulness practice during an intense period of loss, grief, confusion, anger, and resentment - in other words Dukkha. My father passed away on March 29th of this year. Eleven days later, upon returning to work from burying my father, I learned that my job had been eliminated due to deep budget cuts at my place of employment. Either one of these events would create significant stress in a person's life. Both happening in such quick succession left me in a fog. I was stunned, dazed and confused.

It was like a bad dream. I found that I had lost confidence in my own basic wisdom-mind and that I began to close down to myself and others. My reaction to these events took me by complete surprise.

What I found (in part) is that my expectations regarding my Mindfulness practice were actually getting in my way. I had thoughts that somehow I shouldn't feel this poorly as a result of my practice. That somehow, I should have been immunized from at least some of the impact of these losses. That I could just spend a little extra time on the cushion and basic equanimity would return. I felt like I should get a pass on some of the grief, anger, sadness, depression, anxiety, and sorrow that embodied my experience. Heck, I had been paying my mindfulness dues for a long time...right? Wrong.

I discovered that I had been trying to find ground in the shifting sands of my current struggle. I had been trying to impose my will upon events as a way to somehow bypass the effects of these events. I was faced with what Pema Chodron calls "the big squeeze".

To paraphrase Pema, the big squeeze is the discrepancy between our inspirations and beliefs and the situation that presents itself. It is the rub between reality and vision that causes the big squeeze. She goes on to state that it is this big squeeze that causes us to grow, to wake up, to live a mindful life, to be alive with compassion and understanding. Pema states that this "...is one of the most productive places on the spiritual path and in particular on this journey of awakening the heart."

In hindsight it seems that, to some extent, I have realized some immunization from this onslaught of dukkha. My years of training and practice, on a daily basis, in the meditation discipline of shamatha-vipassana have been of great benefit. As a result of my years of practice I began to comprehend and understand that I had to return to the basics as a way to deal with this inundation of dukkha.

I had to find my breath, get in touch with my body, and return (again and again) to the present moment through concentration practice during formal meditation. I reached back to the very basic skill sets that I had learned as a practitioner of Mindfulness as a means to find some balance again in my life.   I started with counting breaths during my daily meditation. I began to name and note the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that were flooding my experience. This was hard work.

A return to the basics of sitting practice also put me in a position to more consistently move through my daily life in the present moment. However, it was not until I actually engaged in the mindfulness practice of immersing myself in the present experience, of embracing the gestalt of the current events in my life and my responses to them, that I actually started to see the fog that had enveloped me begin to dissipate.

I had to be with the pain, anger, loss, resentment, and grief before I could start to let go and settle back into equanimity. I rediscovered that I had to go through the s*&# before I could get past the s*&#. I could not circumvent it; I could not ignore or deny it. I had to look at it squarely and know it for what it is. I had to embrace dukkha.

I am immensely grateful for my Mindfulness practice. The practice is, and has been, many things for me over the years. It has helped me to realize suffering when it arises. It has engendered both self-compassion and compassion for others. I have improved upon my ability to recognize emotional reactions as they begin to arise within me and to reduce the times when I get caught up in them. Gratitude, empathy and the ability to live in the moment are also artifacts of this practice.  But what I am most grateful for at this time is the way that Mindfulness helped me through these most difficult of times.

Namaste.

​To read the complete newsletter for August, please click here.

By Pamela Mueggenberg LMHP, MA
​
A few weeks ago I heard a polite bellow from our waiting room.
"Hello? Your food is here!" 
"Oh, thank you! Here, let me just sign this..."
The deliveryman shifted his weight. "What do you all do here?"
"Well we do meditation and therapy. I'm an art therapist."
"Oh!" he laughed, "I tell all my friends I'm crazy! Maybe I should come here!  If you think you can handle me!"
 
This short interaction is fairly common for anyone who works in mental health.  There is a discomfort, a feeling of vulnerability or alienation, which sometimes arises when a person who is unfamiliar with the work of therapy is unexpectedly introduced to it. There is a curiosity about something new, but so often it is paired with fear.
"Can you tell what's wrong with me if I draw something for you?" 
"Are you diagnosing me right now?"
"Oh no, I shouldn't have told you that!"
 
To me, these kinds of comments illuminate just how urgent the need for transparency is in mental health. Working one on one in a soundproof room, discussing intimate details of ones experience - and the necessary confidentiality of those conversations - makes it more difficult to openly describe what therapy looks like. 
 
Within that private space we as clinicians are using evidence-based, reasonable, concrete exercises, interventions, and ideas to help people better understand themselves and navigate their world. Unfortunately, if you don't know that, you may assume (as many do) that therapy is something more nebulous or spooky.
 
One of my biggest priorities when working with my clients is to be transparent in the work. I want to make sure that everyone who comes to see me knows exactly what they're getting into and, as informed and empowered consumers, they are able to make their own decisions regarding their care. In that spirit, I would answer a few questions I've been asked about therapists and the therapeutic process.
 
Q: Why is my therapist checking the clock? Is she bored?
 
A: No! As you are talking, your therapist is listening intently to your words and coming up with ideas, questions, or interventions that might help you. If there is a question that could open up a bigger topic, she wants to make sure you both have enough time to get through it. 
 
It wouldn't be fair if she asked a big question five minutes before you have to go.  As with any deep conversation, we need to plan for a transition from that depth, to you walking out the door. It feels weird to walk about of therapy without getting yourself ready for the outside world.
 
Q: Why do we have to meet so often?
 
A: Thinking of therapy as a medical or emotional intervention can often lead to frustration about scheduling. Therapy is not a doctor's visit. Therapy is more akin to physical therapy, where you are exercising muscles to heal from an injury, or a class where you are learning a new skill. 
 
Therapy can also be seen as regular part of your overall well-being, like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. While some sessions can lead to dramatic bursts of insight or compassion, most of the work is done one small step at a time, as your brain and body reorient themselves.
 
Q: What if I scare my therapist?  How can I trust that he will be able to handle what I have to say?
 
A: There is a common pop culture trope of the villain going to a well meaning, but incompetent therapist and promptly blowing their minds with thoughts of death, despair, or audaciousness. While your therapist hasn't heard your exact story, he'll be okay. 
 
Most therapists have built a team of support around them to help them process the pain they hear in a day. Supervision, integrated loving relationships, supportive colleagues, and of course their own therapist are all integral to helping him stay grounded. A professor of mine once remarked "anybody can be a therapist, you just have to care. You come to school to learn how to be a therapist and not go crazy." 
 
Therapeutic ethics, boundaries, and professional support are all in place to make sure that you can speak to your full experience, and trust that your therapist can hear you and help you.
  
If you are interested in therapy, or have questions about your current therapy, please don't hesitate to ask! We love talking about our profession, and sharing just how awesome this work can be.

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By Daniel Tipton, MA

Do you ever find yourself looking at your phone and not knowing why? Increasing accessibility to screens and technology has provided us with a means to escape reality, essentially any time we want. Screens and the programs running on them offer us distraction and pleasure that is difficult to beat. "What if I miss something?" You might say.
Putting the phone down is a mindfulness practice within itself. Life presents us with challenges and we look for ways to escape, even for a moment, whether it be with alcohol, food, social media, crossword puzzles, video games, gossip, or other things that help us avoid the present moment. We forget to tune in and see all the wonderful "distractions" that are available with a little attention.

This is not another article calling you to put your phone down. I struggle with the same problem daily. My call here is to simply notice. Pay attention to how you feel when you are in each of these scenarios:

• On the phone
• Wanting to reach for the phone
• Off the phone for a short period of time
• Off the phone for a long period of time
• When you are around others and on your phone
• When you are compelled to reach for the phone when driving

Something I noticed is that I have to have a pep talk with myself in order to put it down. I say something like, "Daniel, you are going to be okay if you put the phone away for a while. 99.9% of notifications that come, you can respond to later. If there is an emergency that you can do something about, you will know in enough time. Remember how good it feels to give your attention to the present moment, even during challenging times."

This little affirmation helps me a great deal.

By Kara Cavel, PhD, CMSW, LIMHP
 
Knowing what one needs and how one feels is not predetermined and does not happen in isolation. D.W. Winnicott, a pediatrician and psychoanalyst, believed the caregiver, if attuned to the child's physical and emotional needs, provides a holding environment for the child to experience the feeling of becoming real. Ideally, this happens in the relationship between a child and primary caregiver, but the relationship between a therapist and client can also serve as a source of consistency, predictability, and comfort, facilitating the feeling of becoming real. With the help of the caregiver or a therapist, an individual eventually learns to regulate their emotional states and tolerate feeling what they feel, and knowing what they know (van der kolk, 2014, p. 115).  
 
When we are unable to feel what we feel or know what we know, we become vulnerable to "shutting down the direct feedback from [our] bodies, the seat of pleasure, purpose, and direction" (van der kolk, 2014, p. 116). In other words, we shut down our intuition. When this happens, our inner sensations are ignored. When intense sensations are associated with safety and comfort we can learn to self-regulate and self-soothe. When they are not, we fail to have a sense of agency over our bodies and mind.
 
In the spirit of Winnicott's work who emphasized the power of play in his work with children, other tools or anchors can be utilized to invite safety in moments of distress. These tools serve to anchor us in the present moment and invites us to tap into our visceral sensations and ultimately the truth of who we are. This brings us to the use of tarot in one's own practice in developing intuition and self-regulation.
 
Several years ago, a friend gifted me a deck of tarot cards. I was immediately intrigued and wanted to know more about how I could use tarot as a source of guidance in my life. A tarot deck consists of Major Arcana and Minor Arcana cards. The Major Arcana cards are emblematic pictures that represent archetypal themes influencing one's life journey. These archetypal themes are reminiscent of Carl Jung's contributions who also worked with archetypal images and their role within the unconscious. The Minor Arcana cards comprise four suits (Cups, Swords, Wands, and Pentacles) each of which has distinctive characteristics.
 
At first, I understood the tarot to be THE guide, a power outside of myself, used to give me direction and clarity about a situation in my life. As I began to utilize the cards more and study the purpose of tarot, I began to understand how this power resided within me and not the cards. I became my own "midwife of the soul" a term used by Mary Greer (first coined by Sigmund Freud), an author and teacher of tarot. This allowed me to utilize the tarot to gain access to my own intuition and bodily wisdom. In times of distress, I would remind myself that I already know what I need. I would turn to the tarot to bring that knowing to light.
 
Recently, I was introduced to Lindsay Mack's work, the creator of Soul Tarot. She interprets and utilizes the tarot as a tool for self-care, healing, and evolution. Her work inspired me to use tarot as an anchor for myself and others. I have found that tarot has served as an adjudicative tool to assist in helping me know what I know, and feel what I feel. It is an unconventional practice used to move into the present moment. The tarot serves as a way to "visually and tangibly clarify another way of viewing our inner experiences, and allows us to be with them in a different way" (from Trauma and the Tarot taught and presented by Lindsay Mack).
 
Using tarot has given me a creative way to understand my experiences. I have learned to better tolerate the discomfort of not knowing the outcome of an event, and instead tap into my intuition using the cards to guide me. Pausing, breathing, and using the cards to support myself in a particular moment and remain calm and connected to my wisdom, has deepened my relationship with myself and has steadily become a practice of mindfulness, helping me to know what I know, and feel what I feel.
 
I invite you to consider the use of alternative forms of knowing in your practice to grow your intuition and tap into the truth of who you are.
 
Reference:
van der Kolk, Bessel (2014).
The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma.
New York: Penguin Books, ISBN: 978-0-14-3122774-1

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​Although medication plays a role in managing chronic pain, it is important to use alternative pain management methods as well. One such alternative is the eliciting of the Relaxation Response first described by Dr. Benson and his colleagues at Harvard in the 1970's. The Relaxation Response includes 1) taking a deep breath and 2) having a passive mind.

Dr. Benson's research revealed that these practices elicit a response that calms and heals the body. It is a way to combat the automatic fight or flight response that often occurs in reaction to pain. The immediate benefits of obtaining the Relaxation Response are lower blood pressure and heart rate. The long term benefits include a decrease in anxiety, depression, and pain. Therefore, regularly practicing an activity for eliciting the Relaxation Response is essential.

A tried and true Relaxation Response activity is diaphragmatic breathing. Pain disrupts normal breathing, causing it to be short and shallow and focused in the upper chest, mimicking the breath patterns associated with tension.

A diaphragmatic breath is the opposite of chest breathing. It requires engaging the diaphragm, a thin layer of muscle separating the chest cavity from the abdomen. At the beginning of each inhalation, the diaphragm contracts, air enters the lungs, and the stomach extends.

As the breath is expelled, the diaphragm relaxes, and the abdomen flattens. It is believed that such deep breathing oxygenates the blood, which triggers the release of endorphins which, in turn, helps to decrease pain.

Research suggests that regular practice will maximize a person's ability to elicit the Relaxation Response as needed to cope with pain. Using an app such as "Calm" or "Insight Timer" to guide deep breathing exercises can make daily practice an enjoyable self-care activity. Minimizing distractions and making the environment comfortable also enhances the experience.
 
In addition to a regular practice, it can also be helpful to have reminders to take a breath throughout the day. Taking a moment during the day to focus on breathing can provide a small break from the stress of the day, which can help decrease pain and prevent it from building. It also keeps the focus on the present moment, instead of on the worries of the past or future.

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"And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look around. Lucky me, lucky mud."
- Kurt Vonnegut

The Mindfulness Study Group recently started Jack Kornfield's, "A Path With Heart, a Guide Through the Perils and Promises of a Spiritual Life."  

As we explore the "path" Kornfield shares, I experience the chapters as gardens of teachings and stories about mindfulness and life. There are blooms of peace, inspiration, and wisdom. Each time I visit, I see something new and I am changed. Yet it's not romantic or idyllic. It is honest and real, with a heartfulness that experiences and allows all that life brings. Here, all is present and abiding.

I was struck at our last session by the insights on "the preciousness and brevity of life." Since then, this has been a recurring theme each day. Here is how:

We Croak - In the spirit of the adage, "to be a truly happy person, one must contemplate death five times daily," the We Croak app shares quotes that inspire daily contemplations of death. These inspirations against the backdrop of a Path With Heart have infused my meditation and mindfulness with simple reflections on the dear and fleeting nature of life. 

Far from the Shallow - This reflection has helped me wade into a deeper, more embodied understanding and honoring of my own mortality and the beauty of life - an understanding well beyond a shallow intellectual understanding.  To go pop culture and quote the Lady Gaga-Bradley Cooper song Shallow, there are times when I feel "far from the shallow now."

Room for a View - Rather than dark or gloomy, these reflections pave the way for a clear seeing and savoring of life. It affects one's view of the world, life and self. It crystallizes one's deepest values and intentions. In the ordinary is now seen something extraordinary, in difficulty is known some equanimity, in pain compassion, in confusion clarity.

Letting Go - From this place of reflection, understanding and intention, it gets easier and easier to naturally let go of the unnecessary and unwise in life - as they say "abiding without clinging."
 
Please join us for the Mindfulness Study Group the first and third Sunday each month 4-6pm. Freely offered, drop-ins welcome, and no registration necessary. We read together and discuss each chapter. Books are available for use in session.

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Most recently, I stopped in a bookstore, and like any good therapist, I did most of my perusing in the self-help section. I found a book entitled "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. 
A woman perusing the same section gave the book a ringing endorsement. Even more, a few days prior, my dear friend had talked about this book. It seemed like a synchronous moment. I purchased the book and took it home.
 
Julia Cameron, a poet, playwright, fiction writer, and essayist, provides guidance to the reader to retrieve the creator within. I had beaten myself up over the past several years for not writing enough, for not creating enough. 
This was it! I had found my guide to help me fulfill my intention to create more.
 
Cameron suggests writing "morning pages" to retrieve the creative self.   In this practice, she invites the reader to sit down first thing in the morning and write long-hand, using a stream of consciousness style, for three pages. 
This has become my practice for the last several weeks. The act of writing down my thoughts, worries, struggles, feelings of anger, sadness, joy, and fear first thing in the morning seems to have a lasting, calming effect on the rest of my day. 
The act of allowing the paper to hold all of that somehow cleared the way for my creative self to emerge. Ideas have begun to flow easier, and the practice itself is a form of energetic discharge.
 
As I write about the practice of morning pages, it reminds me of the practice of mindfulness. Cameron (1992) writes "attention is an act of connection" (p. 53). 
The morning pages is the process of paying attention to one thing for about 20 minutes a day. Mindfulness and morning pages go hand in hand. Mindfulness invites us to pay attention to the "right now." The morning pages invites me to do the same...stay in the moment, sit down, write with no distractions. 
The act of paying attention to the present, disables us to worry about the future or mourn the past. The present invites us to heal and connect to ourselves in the moment. Finding a way to connect with my creative self, through the act of morning pages, is both a healing and mindfulness practice.
 
If you want to try this form of mindfulness, feel free! 
Perhaps find Julia Cameron's book and read more about the guidelines she offers about the morning pages and how to honor this practice. Observe what happens, if anything at all, when you invite this practice into your life. Pay attention and notice how this practice may serve as a way to connect to yourself and others.
 
Cameron, J. (1992). The artist's way: A spiritual path to higher creativity. Penguin Putnam Inc.: New York.

When couples get into arguments, a common behavior that derails effective communication is called stonewalling. This occurs when a person becomes flooded with emotion and chooses to utilize the "flight" portion of the "fight or flight" response. 

"Flight" can be anything from actually fleeing the room (maybe with a door slam or middle finger to add emphasis) to giving the "silent treatment." We have all been there. 

It is perfectly reasonable to disengage when you have had too much but it must be done with care in order to preserve the respect and dignity that relationships need. I instruct couples to utilize self-awareness to know when they need a break. Ideally, stepping aside to cool off is done by stating why you cannot engage at the moment and a time when to return and try to sort out the problem in a more respectful way.

What typically happens is that couples slam the door shut on communication, usually leaving the other person out in the cold. This comes in several forms including: ignoring, only communicating in disingenuous ways (sarcasm, stubbornness), leaving without saying where you are going or when you will be back, or refusing to acknowledge the other person's point of view. 

These behaviors are harmful to relationships and should be avoided as much as possible. The antidote to stone walling, according to Dr. John Gottman, is to practice self-regulation. Essentially, it is knowing when you are past your limit. Often, it can be measured by a heart rate of 100+ beats per minute. Another way to look at it is knowing personal signs that you know mean you are very angry. Most people have signs like, tightness in the neck or chest, a feeling of heat in the face or abdomen, a deep feeling of dread, etc... 

When you can manage it, simply say you need a break and try to meet up again within one hour. This lets the other person know you aren't abandoning the issue or "getting off easy." With consent on both sides, a little break can prevent a painful blowout.

Click here to read the complete January newsletter.